


I've Turned Into a Monster

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, But alot angstier, Depressive Thoughts, Episode: s06e05 The Black Paladins, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hurt Shiro (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, It reads as it being Shiro, It turned out fluffier than anticpated, It was literally only a oneshot for less than a day bc I am impatient, Its the only thing I've writen on here, Keith & Shiro (Voltron) are Adoptive Siblings, Most angsty thing I've ever writen on here, My First Fanfic, Not all these tags are accurate-but I'm too lazy to fix them, Sorry that its terrible, Temporary Character Death, This Features Kuron As Shiro, This was alot better in my head, hurt keith, no longer a oneshot, sadness in genral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-05 12:17:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 32,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15863448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The battle of Kuron vs Keith could have ended alot differently. (I don't know how to summerize, so here's an excerpt)"Keith. Keith. Please hold on. Please,” Shiro knew there wasn’t a point, not really, even if Keith could hold on a little longer, there was nothing that Shiro could do to save him. Shiro couldn’t save his little brother. He cradled Keith to his chest, who was miraculously still breathing, though Shiro knew that it wouldn’t be for long, the fact making him hold his brother tighter to his chest. He had failed in the absolute worst way he could have ever imagined, he had killed his brother. His best friend. “I’m so sorry.”Keith drew in a ragged breath, and somehow managed to speak, though it was so quietly that Shiro had to press his head over Keith’s mouth to hear the words. Keith spoke three of them, each taking more effort than the last. “Not. Your. Fault.” Shiro could see the honesty behind the pain in his brother’s eyes. After he had emitted his last piece, Keith choked in another breath that left unsteadily from his mouth.He didn’t take another





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Everybody! This is my first fic on here, and I hope that it is okay. I know it isn't that great, and it all sounded better in my head (and in the middle of the night when I was actually writing this tbh), but I hope you enjoy regardless. Constructive criticism is welcomed.
> 
> Side note: 10/13/2018 update, a typo was fixed  
> Also, on 10/29/2018 I realized I never did say that the title was from Monster by Imagine Dragons, so the more you know.

_“Please, Shiro, I know you’re in there.”_ The words only just got to Shiro within his muddled thoughts. The voice sounded familiar, Shiro vaguely noted. He couldn’t quite place it though, and something about the tone of the words made him want to frown. They sounded so desperate, but from what he remembered, that voice wasn’t supposed to sound desperate. And what were they talking about? Of course he was here, wherever here was. Where was he? He couldn’t focus enough on anything to tell. He couldn’t see anything, just occasional flashes of light and spinning that made him feel slightly ill.

 _“You made a promise once. You told me you’d never give up on me._ ” That sounded like something Shiro had promised before. But he couldn’t remember to who he had promised those words. A flash of memory split across his vision, moving to fast for him to see but one word lingered after it was gone. Brother. But he didn’t have any brothers, did he? If he did, shouldn’t he remember them? He reached to search his memories for that word, but was startled to find he couldn’t remember anything. All he knew that he was Shiro and that he didn’t know where he was.

 _“And I should have abandoned you, just like your parents did,”_ Shiro’s voice growled. Wait. He wasn’t talking, was he? He didn’t think he was talking. And those didn’t sound like words he would say, especially to someone he apparently had told that he would never give up on. Especially not to someone he would call a brother.

 _“They saw that you were broken. Worthless. I should have seen it too.”_ That wasn’t right. Shiro would never say those things. He wanted to say so too, but he was incapable in blurry space where he was. In there, he really couldn’t do much. He didn’t have a body in there, he realised somewhat belatedly. That explained why he couldn’t move. But it also caused many more questions to form. Where was he? Where was his body? What was going on?

 _“I’m not leaving here without you.”_ The voice said. It sounded sad. And determined. But not desperate anymore. Shiro remembered a glimpse of a figure, arms crossed, jaw jutting, and a familiar scowl. The image was gone before he could identify it, but everything about the posture screamed determined and stubborn. It seemed like a fitting figure for the voice.

 _“Actually, neither of us are leaving.”_ Shiro’s voice sounded darkly amused. Shiro hoped that didn’t mean that he was going to be stuck here forever. He also felt a flash of fear for the other person, his brother. The more he thought about it, the word sounded more and more familiar. Brother. He caught a brief glimpse of narrowed purple eyes, ready for a fight. Purple eyes? Who had purple eyes?

However, before he could think too hard about it, he was consumed in blinding pain. He heard his voice cry out, and the other voice call out his name. The pain hurt, but it was helpful for one thing. Through the pain it seemed he was no longer trapped in where ever he had been, and he caught a brief glance at sceen around him, though only flashes that didn’t make much sense. His Glara arm glowing a frighteningly bright purple, for some reason reaching up to his shoulder. Metal platforms and structures, some with tubes and some broken, like the one right in front of him, limiting his sight of the figure in red paladin armour behind it. That was all he got until the pain was gone just as quick as it had arrived, leaving him trapped in the place he determined to be his own mind, or at least some far corner of it.

This left him with a lot more questions. He couldn’t remember which paladin wore red armour, and he got the sense that he had not seen this paladin in some time, but went he tried, he couldn’t remember any of the other paladins, so not remembering the red paladin was nothing special.

Another question was where was he? He hadn’t recognized the place he was located, though as he thought about it, something about the tubes seemed very slightly familiar, but when he tried to remember, he got the cold feeling that he didn’t even want to remember that.

 _“Shiro, please.”_ The voice sounded like it was straining, and that it was pleading. Shiro had another flash, too fast to know what it was, but he remembered _hotheaded, impulsive, brave_. He knew instinctively that they belonged to the red paladin, just as the voice did.

 _“You’re my brother.”_ The voice confirmed Shiro’s suspicions. He had another flashback, and it was slightly more clear this time. He remembered desperately needing to get to his brother’s side. His brother was hurt. He needed to get to him. But they wouldn’t let him. They were messing with his mind. They were hurting him. And they wouldn’t let him go help his little brother.

He had a surge of protectiveness swell over him. He knew that his brother could fight his own battles, and recalled vaguely that he had had to long before he had met Shiro, but that didn’t mean Shiro had to be happy about it. Suddenly Shiro was overcome with the need to get to his brother, and he started to fight back the blurriness. _Patience yields focus._

 _“I love you.”_ His brother’s voice cracked, and it was laced with pain and exhaustion. And defeat. His brother was not one to give into defeat. Shiro fought harder, and for a moment was granted the most horrible sight he had ever seen.

Shiro was bearing down on his brother, who looked terrible and was covered in evidence of a fight, bruises and scratches covering his face. However, as painful as it was to see his little brother hurt, even if it was just bruises, it wasn’t something he was unfamiliar and wasn’t the real horror of the sight.

No, the worst part was that it was _Shiro_ , or at least his body that his brother was only just holding off. Shiro could see the shakiness of his brother’s arm as he held off Shiro’s Galran arm in its sword form with his mamoran blade in knife form, could see the ragged rise and fall of his brother’s chest, could see the desperation and pain in his brother’s violet eyes. Shiro’s heart ached at the sight, especially with the terrible thought that it was _him_ who had caused this. Even if he wasn’t in control, it was his body that was doing the damage to his brother.

 _“Just let go Keith. You don’t have to fight anymore.”_ Shiro heard his voice say, which brought him out of his pity party. He needed to focus. He had to regain control of his body right now. He had to save his little brother. _Patience yields focus. Patience yields focus._

He could hear the panting breaths of his brother, and Shiro came to the terrible realization that if he didn’t regain control and fast, his brother wouldn’t be breathing for long. _Patience yields focus_.

He heard his brother let out a cry, and the scent of burning flesh hit Shiro’s nose, and he would have scrunched it up had he been able to move it. As it was, the smell made Shiro feel ill and more desperate. _Patience yields focus. Patience yields focus. Patience yields focus._

For a moment, he got his sight back again. If he had thought what he’d seen earlier had been bad, this was so much worse. His sword was close enough to Keith's face for a burn to begin forming, even as Keith desperately held him off. He could tell that his brother wouldn’t last even another minute. He had to do something, and quickly.

He felt the pull back to the depths, but he resisted it. It was like fighting the current of the rapids in a river, but he held fast and began to move forward. It was exhausting, but his brother needed him right now.

Shiro managed to retain his sight, but he still couldn’t control anything yet. Instead, this meant that while he was battling for control, he had to see himself press his sword even further down towards his brother’s face, who turned his head and hissed at the heat. His hand that was holding up his knife, the only thing keeping him alive, keeping Shiro from killing him, was getting progressively lower and lower as his brother was losing the strength to keep it up.

Keith closed his eyes, and for a heart-stopping moment, Shiro believed that it was in defeat. However, it just seemed to be for Keith to regain focus. Shiro could almost make out his brother’s lips mouthing his motto, _patience yields focus._ Suddenly Keith’s eyes flew open and the black bayard appeared in his empty hand, swinging up. For a second, Shiro had the hope that it was to kill _him_ , anything to protect his brother, he didn’t care if he died, but of course Keith would never do that. Just as Shiro would never kill his brother, in his right state of mind of course.

Keith’s bayard hit back Shiro’s sword with a force that sent Shiro’s body stumbling back, almost reaching the edge of the platform and falling into nothingness. Shiro was disappointed that his body hadn’t, at least then Keith could be safe from him. Speaking of Keith…

His brother was struggling to his feet, mamoran sword and black bayard hanging from both of his hands respectively. His posture was slouched, and he looked exhausted. However, he defiantly lifted his head and met Shiro’s eyes and brought his blades up to a fighting stance.

When he spoke this time, it was no longer distant. “Shiro, please. I don’t want to fight you anymore. You’re my brother.” Shiro desperately wanted to comfort his brother, to wrap him in a hug, but he still couldn’t move. He tried saying something, and to his shock, he could control his mouth, but as he hadn’t really planned any words to say, it came out garbled.

Keith cocked his head to the side, like a curious dog. “Shiro?” he asked, swords lowering somewhat.

Shiro struggled to speak. “Keep. Fighting. Do what you need to. Stay alive. I’m sorry. Can’t control…” he faded off as the force pushed him back. He hoped he had gotten his point across to Keith. His meaning. For Keith to do what he needed to to survive. Even if that meant killing him.

Keith stared at him with wide eyes, and then a frown as he took in what Shiro said. Realization dawned on his face as he raised his blades again, more out of anger than preparing for a fight. “No. I’m not going to kill you Shiro.”

Shiro gained some control again with a gasp, “You. Have. To.” Talking was difficult and exhausting, but he had to help his brother. However, his brother was already shaking his head.

“No. I am not killing you. That is final.”

“Then. Leave. Save yourself. Help the team.” “No, I’m not going to leave you either. I’m going to save you. As many times as it takes, remember?”

Shiro did remember, but this wasn’t the time. There wasn’t time. Already, he could feel his control slipping again.

“Leave. Too late. Can’t hold it off.”

Keith frowned a bit, and moved forward slightly, blades lowered. “Yes you can. That’s what you are doing right now. I know that you are still there, and I am not going to leave you there. You never abandoned me, what makes you think I would abandon you?”

Why couldn’t Keith just leave? Why was he so stubborn?

Shiro knew the answer to that, and knew that had the roles been reversed, he would never leave his little brother either.

“Please, just come with me. We can put you in the holding cell in the black lion, and figure out what is wrong when we get back to the Castle. Let me take you home.”

Shiro wanted to, he really did, but he wasn’t in control. He could kill someone. He had nearly killed Keith.

Shiro was shaking his head. “No, it’s too risky. I could hurt someone, I could kill someone.” Was it just him, or was it getting easier to talk?

He realized that his arm had powered off at some point during the conversation. Acting on a whim, he tried to move it, surprised when it listened. He then tried his other arm, which also moved. His legs and head did the same. He blinked in surprise. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t feel the current trying to pull him under anymore.

“Shiro?” Keith asked, taking another step closer, head tilted. “Are you okay?”

Shiro looked at him, and smiled, though confusion wrinkled his brow. “I can’t feel the control,” he frown and searched his mind. Something about this seemed suspicious. But he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. He smiled again at his brother, who had taken another step closer to him. “I think its gone for now.”

A relieved smile crossed his brother’s face. Keith took another step forward, and to Shiro’s surprise, enveloped him in a hug. Contrary to common belief, Keith didn’t mind hugs, he just didn’t know how to ask for them or initiate them. He instinctively wrapped his arms around his brother in turn, feeling happy for a moment.

“So you’ll come back with me then?” Keith pulled his head back just far enough to meet Shiro’s eyes. “I even have one of those bands that neutralizes your arm in my armour right here, if that would make you feel safer.”

Shiro felt his shoulders relax a little. He wouldn’t be able to kill Keith without his arm. He offered his brother a smile as they pulled back from the embrace for Keith to unclip his chestplate, in which he had apparently kept the ring. “You couldn’t have told me this earlier?” he said, amused.

Keith merely shrugged, finishing unclipping his chestplate. “I sort of forgot about it in the fighting.” As his chestplate clattered to the ground, Keith held up the band triumphantly. “Here we go. Hold out your arm so I can clip it on.”

This spark of words seemed to open the floodgates. It seemed the tide hadn’t been retreating for good, but rather building up for the tsunami. Shiro lost control of everything in a split second, managing only a quick, “Kei-” before he lost control. The only thing he had left was his eyesight, which made it all more terrible, because he could see every movement as if in slow motion.

First Shiro’s own arm lit up before shooting forward, while Keith’s eyes widened as he realized that Shiro had tried to warn him and he began moving, but it was slow, much too slow, as Shiro’s Galran arm kept glowing and grew the sword he had been fighting with earlier, momentum driving right toward Keith’s unprotected chest. There was nothing that anyone could do and within a split second, his sword was through his little brother’s chest and sticking out of the back. Keith’s eyes looked at the sword first, and them looked at Shiro, who, to his horror, realized his brother’s eyes were already going glassy. Shiro saw more than Keith let out a fragile “Shiro” and then he was falling.

Shiro blade vaporized, and he would have worried about this causing his brother to bleed out if not for two things, one being the blade was hot enough to immediately cauterize the wound, and the other being that he knew where his sword had struck, slightly to the left of his little brother’s chest, straight through the heart. He knew that it was too late.

Whatever had taken over Shiro left, and he could tell it was for good this time. It had done its job, had served its purpose here. He only had a brief moment of pause to ensure it was actually gone, before he was falling forward to his knees next to his brother.

“Keith. Keith. Please hold on. Please,” Shiro knew there wasn’t a point, not really, even if Keith could hold on a little longer, there was nothing that Shiro could do to save him. Shiro couldn’t save his little brother. He cradled Keith to his chest, who was miraculously still breathing, though Shiro knew that it wouldn’t be for long, the fact making him hold his brother tighter to his chest. He had failed in the absolute worst way he could have ever imagined, he had killed his brother. His best friend. “I’m so sorry.”

Keith drew in a ragged breath, and somehow managed to speak, though it was so quietly that Shiro had to press his head over Keith’s mouth to hear the words. Keith spoke three of them, each taking more effort than the last. “Not. Your. Fault.” Shiro could see the honesty behind the pain in his brother’s eyes. After he had emitted his last piece, Keith choked in another breath that left unsteadily from his mouth.

He didn’t take another.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope that you enjoyed and that it wasn't too bad on your eyes. I swear I'll get better with time.
> 
> Also, I may continue this if people like it. I have some ideas *rubs hands together evilly*


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Everybody! I've decided that I want to make this a multi-chapter fic, and so I have! Thank you so much to all those who left comments and Kudos, you guys literally have made my week by doing so. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

 

Given the chance, Shiro would have sat there for ages, holding on to the now-lifeless body of his brother. As it was, he was only able to take a few seconds to stare into the dull eyes that used to be so full of fight and determination-that should have still been full of fight and determination-before the platform on which they were on creaked and swayed before a loud  _ snap _ sent them cascading towards the side into the emptiness of space.

Shiro could have probably done something, like activate his Galran arm and stuck it into the metal to prevent him from falling, but there was no way that he would ever activate that again willingly, and so he hugged his brother in his arms and closed his eyes as they slide off the platform. At least Shiro wouldn’t have to live long without Keith.

However, it seemed that fate wasn’t done with him yet. Instead of drifting off to endless space as Shiro had hoped, he felt himself land on something metal, a familiar purring noise reaching his ears. When he opened his eyes, he saw he was in the black lion. 

Shiro felt a surge of guilt. Here he was, giving up, when the team needed him. His world may have just died, but that didn’t mean that it was the end of everything, even though that thought sickened him. He still had a duty to fulfill as the paladin of the black lion, especially when the only other person who was capable of flying Black was cradled in his arms and no longer breathing.

He scoped up Keith into his arms and brought him to the belly of the lion, where there were small emergency healing pods. Shiro knew that there wasn’t any hope of them somehow reviving Keith, even in space there wasn’t a cure to death, but at least it would kept him from being jostled around the cockpit, the very thought of which made Shiro feel ill and like crying. 

After he lay his brother in the pod gently, Shiro carefully closed his brother’s eyes before letting the pod close. He spared one more look at his brother, and for a moment could almost pretend that Keith was just sleeping, and at any time he would wake up and be ready for another fight, despite the hole in his chest marking where his heart was. Shiro sniffed when he remembered that that would never happen again.

He turned his back on his brother, and began walking towards the cockpit. As much as it hurt to leave, he couldn’t do anything to help Keith, but he did need to get back to the other paladins, they could be in trouble. No matter what, Shiro wasn’t going to let anyone else that he cared about die today.

Just as he was passing the opening of the lion’s jaws, his foot kicked something, breaking him out of his thoughts. It was the band that Pidge had made to prevent Shiro’s arm from working. He had asked Pidge to make it one day, insisting that it was just in case, just in case something like this had happened. That somehow the Galra could take control of his arm. Shiro never expected it to really happen, and Pidge was sure that it wouldn’t, but she had made it anyways, a resigned look in her eyes. 

Shiro wondered vaguely why Keith had had it, when he had had time to grab it, but pushed those thoughts aside as he reached down and picked it up, carefully putting it on his arm and activating it. He could still use his prosthetic, it just wouldn’t serve as a weapon.

Shiro finished making his way to the cockpit, sliding into the familiar seat and gripping the controls. The black lion let out a small purr, but it sounded sad. Of course it would be. Shiro wasn’t the only one that Keith’s death would effect, he could only just imagine how the other’s would react.

_ The others. _ Shiro sucked in a breath as he remembered. They didn’t know. They didn’t know that Keith, their resident hothead, their friend, their  _ family _ , was dead. And Shiro was going to have to be the one to tell them. To be the one to tell them that  _ he _ had killed Keith. They were going to hate him. Heck, Shiro hated himself for it.

His hand reached over to press the button to hail the Castle, but he hesitated a moment, hand hovering over it. Did he really want to tell them over the coms? Wouldn’t it be better in person? That’s how you’re supposed to tell someone that someone close to them has died, right? 

No, he was stalling. He couldn’t wait that long. They deserved to know. Besides, he had no idea where he was, or even how he got here, and he needed the other’s help to get back. 

_ If they even would want him back _ , he couldn’t help but to think. He quickly shook his head, it didn’t matter if they didn’t want him back, he needed to get the black lion back to them so that they could form voltron. They could look into finding a new paladin for her later if it came down to it, the thought of which made him incredibly sad. But he would leave if his team wanted him to, and after what he had done, he saw no reason for them to want him to stick around.

Shiro took a deep breath and let it out in a quick motion as his hand slammed down on the button. A screen filled his sight, showing the bridge of the Castle of Lions. The only ones present were Lance and Allura standing side-by-side.

“This is the black lion, hailing the Castle of Lions, do you copy?”

“Shiro?” Both Lance and Allura spoke, their voices a perfect harmony of confusion. Allura’s brow furrowed as Lance’s eyes darted around the cockpit, searching for someone who wasn’t there.

Lance opened his mouth to ask, but Allura beat him to it. “Where’s Keith?” she more demanded than said.

Shiro suddenly found a lump in his throat to swell up, making his breath catch when he tried to speak. He felt a sting in his eyes that warned him of tears. He tried to swallow it down, to tell Allura to call the others to the bridge, because he wouldn’t be able to handle having to tell them what had happened to Keith more than once. 

But when he opened his mouth, the words wouldn’t come out. However, something in his expression made Allura slam on the coms in the castle and called everyone to the bridge, stating that it was an emergency and much more important than anything they were doing at the moment. Her tone left no question of this. After she did so, she met Shiro’s eyes.

“Is he…” She didn’t finish and didn’t have to for Shiro to know what she was asking. He gave a tiny nod of his head.

Allura gasped, hands flying to cover her mouth. Lance turned to her, concern and confusion evident on his face. “Allura?”

But she merely shook her head, staring at Shiro with horror, hands still covering her mouth. Shiro couldn’t tell if the horror was directed at  _ him _ or just the news that he was about to share. Afterall, he had probably lost control before leaving the Castle of Lions, the last thing he remembered was meeting Keith’s mother who he had apparently spent around two years with on the back of a space whale in a weird time pocket. Shiro felt another swell of horror.  _ Keith’s mother. _ He was going to have to tell a mother of how he had killed her son. 

“Shiro?” Lance asked when Allura didn’t respond. But Shiro could only shake his head and croak out, “Wait until the others get here.”

There was a mounting fear in Lance’s eyes. “What happened to Keith? Is he with you? Was he captured? Was he…” Lance’s eyes widened as the thought came to him. He turned fully to face Shiro, expression pleading. “Please tell me he’s not…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. 

All Shiro could do was choke out another  _ wait _ . Lance swallowed and glanced over at Allura, who still had yet to move.

Before anyone had a chance to do anything else, the others burst into the room, with varying looks of annoyance, concern, and interest. Pidge was probably the most annoyed, which made Shiro suspect that this improv meeting had interrupted her work on something, though as she stepped forward, likely to demand what was so important as to upset her work when she caught sight of Shiro on the screen, body language shifting to confusion and suspicion. 

“Shiro?” She questioned, eyes narrowed. She was probably suspicious given whatever had happened after he met Keith’s mother. Pidge’s eyes quickly survaded Shiro’s surroundings a moment before asking the dreaded question. “Where’s Keith?”

At this, the floodgates nearly broke, but Shiro held back the tears with a deep breath in and then letting it out. Even so, his voice wavered as he spoke. “He didn’t make it.”

“Where is he then? Was he captured by the Galra? Where did you take him anyways? Where did you go? Why did you do all that? Where you being controlled? How were you being controlled? Are you being controlled right now? Are you in black? Why is black letting you fly her if you are being controlled? What-” Hunk’s nervous ramblings were cut off surprisingly by Keith’s mom.

“I fear that being captured isn’t what Shiro was referring to when he said that Keith didn’t make it.” Direct to the point, just like Keith. Shiro would have smiled at the similarities in the two had the circumstances been different. 

“What other way could he have- Oh,” Hunk fell short, breath catching. “No…”

Shiro closed his eyes and nodded, whispering, “He’s dead,” and confirming everyone’s worst fears. There was a moment of silence where everyone sucked in a sharp breath, and then there was uproar, largely coming from Pidge.

“What do you mean Keith’s dead! He can’t die, he’s too strong for that! How do we know that you aren’t lying? You were acting all funny and mind-controlled earlier, how do we know that you still aren’t under its control? How do we know that you aren’t just trying to lower our defenses and sneak onto the ship and kill the rest of us here while Keith is stranded somewhere out there? Very convenient of you to say that Keith is dead when you don’t even have the body.”

Lance joined in, seeming to recover from his shock. “Yeah, mullet-head’s too stubborn to die,” he said in what was supposed to be a confident tone, but it wavered and came out uncertain.

Hunk was fiddling anxiously, and tears were welling up and falling over in his eyes. His voice shook when he spoke. “But guys, what if Shiro is telling the truth? What if Keith isn’t coming back? What if his body is just out there, drifting-” Hunk couldn’t finish, he broke down in tears. 

Much to Shiro’s shock, Lance turned angrily towards his best friend. Instead of the familiar words of comfort Lance would usually give at the sight of his friend in tears, Lance’s voice was harsh when he spoke. “No. Keith’s not dead. He can’t be. Mullet is too strong to die, like Pidge said. He’s gotten into so many dangerous situations and gotten out alive, what makes this one any different?”

Pidge looked ready to jump in again too, but Keith’s mother stepped up next to her and laid a comforting hand on Pidge’s shoulder. She seemed calm, and Shiro thought that she was taking it alot better than he thought she would. There was greif deep in her eyes, but she didn’t seem like she was going to break down. Out of all of them, she appeared the most normal. 

Allura had tears streaming down her face at this point, and Coran had moved to her side, supporting her as his normally cheerful face and energy was withdrawn with grief. Shiro’s heart gave a lurch when he realized why Allura had known immediately what was going on just by the look on Shiro’s face. She knew what it was like to lose your entire world, quite literally, and to lose your family. She and Coran had been through it once before. And now they were experiencing that loss of a family member once again.

The other Altean, Shiro couldn’t remember her name or where she had come from, seemed subdued as well, and a sheen in her eyes indicated them to be lightly glazed with tears. Shiro didn’t think that she had known Keith for very long, but in that short period of time Shiro suspected that Keith had done something that meant a lot to her. Shiro also suspected that she was familiar with grief, just as the other Alteans were.

Hunk was now sobbing in earnest, hands covering his face. Lance seemed to have calmed down somewhat and had gone over to Hunk’s side and was whispering something to him, likely an apology, and rubbing Hunk’s back. There were tears trickling down his face too.

Pidge was still standing tense, ready for a fight, and looked like she would start arguing any second, but something about Keith’s mother’s hand on her arm calmed her slightly, or at least, she stayed quiet for Keith’s mom to talk. Pidge took a quick glance at Keith’s mother, and for a moment, Shiro saw a flash of fear cover her face and knew what she was doing. She was covering her sadness and fear with anger, something so Keith-like that Shiro wanted to cry.

“Death is not an indicator of weakness. Even the strongest will die eventually. However, I believe that there is something more that Shiro would like to tell us,” Keith’s mother’s eyes met Shiro’s, and he could see that her iris was the same color that Keith’s had been and, Shiro  _ could see the desperation and pain in his brother’s violet eyes, chest heaving as he struggled to breathe _ \- Shiro shook his head slightly in order to focus. He wasn’t there anymore. Keith's mother was still staring at him as she finished, “Isn’t there Shiro.”

Shiro closed his eyes and nodded his head. There was so much more to tell. But there was only one thing that would convince them that he was telling the truth. The thought of crushing all of their hope in Keith maybe still being alive made his heart ache, but he knew that letting them think that he lived was even crueler. Hope was a double-sided blade, it could either fight for you if you believed in something that could come true, or come back and stab you if misplaced. Shiro swallowed and opened his eyes before answering. “I have him in the black lion.”

Shiro glanced around the faces, seeing fear and need conflicting on each. On one hand, they needed to see Keith in order to know that Shiro was not lying, on the other, seeing him would mean that he really was dead.

Allura moved her head around the room, looking at everyone, and finally lower her hands from her face. She was the only moving, everyone else out of shock or indecisiveness or something else. Even Pidge was frozen, she had probably thought that Shiro wouldn’t have the body, judging from her earlier statements and the look on her face being the same one as she got when one of her hypothesis was proven wrong, though it was mixed with fear.  Hunk had lowered his hands from his face as well, which was a mess of tears. 

Allura seemed to come to a conclusion, nodding her head vaguely to herself. She then turned to Shiro. “Show him to us.”

“Yes Princess,” Shiro transferred the screen from the mainscreen of the black lion over to one of the tablets that was laying around. He then picked it up and walked to the belly of the lion where Keith was. There was no sound on his way there except for his footsteps and his breathing. 

As he drew near the pod, his footstep hesitated somewhat. He was about to show his team what he had done to their fellow member, how he had killed him. Once they saw the body, the new scar on Keith’s face and how the wound through his heart were both cauterized, they would know that it was Shiro who had done this. In addition to that, he was crushing all hope of their impulsive paladin, their leader for a short time, their friend, their  _ family, _ was still alive. 

“Are you sure you want to see him? It's not pretty,” Shiro said softly, looking into the tablet. He knew what the answer would be.

Allura looked around again, opening her mouth to speak only to hesitate. However, Keith’s mother stepped forward and answered.

“Show him to us,” she glanced around at the other’s before continuing, “If you do not wish to see him, close your eyes or exit the room. We need to know. I need to-” She cut herself off with a hiked breath that hurt Shiro heart.  _ She needed to see her son one last time, if only to see if he was in pain while he died. To see how he died, so that she might wreck revenge. _

This time, it was Pidge who stepped forward and lay a gentle hand on Keith’s mother’s hand, Pidge being too short to reach her shoulder. Pidge nodded at the mother’s words.

“I’m going to stay,” Pidge declared, though her voice shook.

“Ditto,” Lance said before turning to his friend, “Hunk? You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

But Hunk was already shaking his head. When he spoke, his voice was full of tears. “I want to stay. I want to see Keith.”

“I will stay,” the Altean spoke. “I would like to know Keith’s fate, especially after he and his mother saved me.” Those words implied a story, but now wasn’t the time for it.

“I shall stay as well,” Allura stated.

“I too wish to see number four,” Coran said with none of his usual energy.

An unanimous agreement. Shiro expected no less. He let out a breath. “Here he is.” Shiro then turned the tablet to show Keith, face covered in bruises and scrapes and the terrible burn across his cheek, and the devastating hole in his chest. He heard several gasps, and was grateful that he had at least closed Keith’s eyes. The memory of the lifelessness in those once vibrant purple eyes would haunt his nightmare for years to come, Shiro knew.

“What happened to him?” Shiro heard Lance ask with horror. Shiro turned the tablet back around, deeming they had had enough of the sight of Keith to give them nightmares. Shiro certainly knew he would have nightmares.

Shiro felt tears well up in his eyes, and he let them fall, casing one last look at the body of his brother before making his way back to the cockpit. No one answered Lance’s question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed and will come back next time for more! I'm not sure when I will update this next, but hopefully it will be soon.   
> I have some ideas about how I want the story to go for the next few chapters, but then there are two possible story lines I could use, and I'm not sure which one I will use yet. I guess I'll just burn that bridge when I get to it.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading, and till next time,  
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't actually know how I feel about this chapter. I just sort of sat down and typed it. Suspicious Pidge appears as well as Good Leader Lance, which was fun. As with all my other chapters, it has been proof-read exactly 0 times because I am impatient. Anyways, this is my second chapter today, see reason for that in the last sentence.  
> Anyways, hope you all enjoy, and thank you for all of you that comment/leave Kudos, those literally make my day.

When he got to the cockpit, he transferred the screen from the tablet back to the Black Lion’s mainframe when his attention was caught onto a red blinking light. Curious, he clicked on it, and it pulled up a diagram of three smaller ships headed toward the Castle of Lions. 

Shiro frowned at the sight. He felt like he should know who the ships belonged to, but he couldn’t remember. “Allura?” he said softly, hating to interrupt the moment of silence for their fallen teammate but needing to warn them about the potential danger the three ships held for the rest of the team. “There are three ships headed straight for the Castle of Lions. They look like they should be there in a few vargas,” Shiro sent them the screen that the Black Lion was showing him.

“ _ Lotor _ ,” Allura all but hissed, surprising Shiro. He wasn’t used to hearing the usually diplomatic princess sounding so angry. Also, hadn’t Lotor been on their side? Something must have happened since Keith’s appearance with his mother and the Altean and the space wolf. Speaking of the space wolf, where was it? He didn’t think he had seen it on the bridge. 

“He must be trying to enter the quintessence field! We must stop him,” Allura said angrily. She turned to Shiro before asking, “How soon will you be able to get here in the Black Lion? We must form Voltron to stand any chance against Lotor and his ships.”

Shiro was about to open his mouth to tell them that he didn’t actually know where he was, but Pidge interrupted.

“Wait, we are  _ trusting _ Shiro? Even if that is Shiro, and not some sort of clone, how do we know that he is on our side? And not being mind-controlled or anything? You saw Keith, you have to realize what caused his wounds- what  _ killed _ him.” Pidge glanced around the room, but only got blank looks. She huffed. “It was Shiro’s arm! His Galran arm! Shiro killed Keith!”

Shiro looked down, and could not help the tears that bubbled up. Hearing the facts of the matter from someone else was so much worse than just thinking them, he realized. So so much worse. Especially when he heard the gasps that followed Pidge’s outburst.

“But Shiro would never hurt Keith!” Lance was the first to argue, and it made Shiro’s head hang lower in shame.

“Yeah, Shiro would never hurt Keith. Keith is-was like the dude’s little brother!” Hunk added, his voice catching on the tense change. Shiro’s head dropped lower.

“I too have to agree with Number Two and Number Three, Number One would never hurt Number Four,” Coran said, numbers somewhat confusing Shiro. His head fell lower.

“There is more to your accusations, isn’t there Pidge?” Allura asked softly.

“Of course! Now just listen to me!” Pidge sucked in a breath, “Look, of course Shiro wouldn’t hurt Keith under normal circumstances. But absolutely none of today has been normal circumstances. First Lotor gets Allura to take him into the quintessence field, then while they are gone Keith shows up, aged two years with a space wolf, his long-lost galran mother, and an Altean when we thought that all the other Alteans were dead. Then Romelle tells us about how Lotor had had an entire colony of Alteans who he was using to harvest their quintessence, their very life-energy, and has been doing so since who knows how long. Then Keith and Krolia find her in the woods, escape on an old Altean pod and get back here to tell us the story. Then Allura and Lotor comes back from the quintessence field, and we are ready to subdue Lotor, and Allura flips Lotor across the ship, but before we can do anything Shiro goes crazy, kidnapping Lotor and stealing a ship to fly off to the other side of the universe, and Keith follows him alone. Then the Castle begins shutting down with a kill-code that Shiro had given it. Now Shiro’s apparently back in the Black Lion with Keith’s body with wounds that could only be caused be an extremely hot sword, something we all know Shiro’s arm is capable of doing. So yeah, I’d say that this is not normal circumstances,” Pidge drew a breath before continuing.

“Now are you going to tell me that the being that the Shiro that took out Hunk, Coran, Lance, Allura, and Romelle in less that three dobashes wasn’t completely capable of hurting Keith,  _ killing Keith. _ Because that is the Shiro that Keith went after.” Pidge’s words left a heavy silence hanging in the air.

“Although, I do have to admit, I should not have accused this Shiro quite so harshly,” Pidge said softly, making Shiro start and look up at her. Pidge wasn’t the best at realizing when she needed to apologize. “I can tell that at least black trust you,” she said, nodding to Shiro’s surroundings, “And I can also tell that you don’t trust yourself,” she continued, nodding to the band around his Galran bicep. 

“We will have time to discuss this later,” Allura interrupted, and then looked at Shiro as she continued, “And trust me, we  _ will  _ discuss this later. However, I fear that right now our most pressing problem is Lotor. Shiro, how close are you to the castle?”

“I have no idea. Black’s positioning system isn’t giving me a good read on where I am,” Shiro admitted.

“Pidge-” Allura started, but Pidge interrupted.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m on it,” Pidge said, hurrying to her work station and fingers flying on her keyboard as she frowned at the monitor. “It looks like you’re literally on the other side of the universe. According to this, taking into account that the Black Lion is nowhere near full capacity and that one of its engines is down, and the Castle doesn’t have near enough energy to create a wormhole, carry the two…” Pidge’s voice began drifting off as she muttered to herself. She seemed to get an answer after a few moments, and her eyes snapped up to meet Shiro’s. “According to this, it will take you slightly over a quintant to get here. I am sending you the coordinates of your lion and the Castle now, along with a map.”

Shiro felt his mouth run dry. The team only had a few vargas before Lotor got there. He wasn’t going to get there in time. Even so, he immediately slammed controls of his lion forward after he got his proper orientation thanks to the information from Pidge. He needed to get there in time somehow.

“Heading your way now. I will be there as soon as possible,” Shiro swallowed, “It looks like you are going to have to hold off Lotor without Voltron though. At least for a little while.”

“How are we supposed to do that? Our lions are damaged, the Castle is offline, we only have a few vargas until Lotor’s ships get here, and then we have to hold them off for a quintant  _ without Voltron _ ? Last time we faced Lotor in these ships, we had five lions and he only had two ships, but now it looks like he has three ships and we only have four lions. How the quiznack are we supposed to hold off Lotor?” Hunk asked, wringing his hands together worriedly. Lance placed his hand on Hunk’s shoulder, causing Hunk to look over at him. Lance offered a small smile, slightly damped by the wetness on his face from tears, but Hunk shakily returned the smile.

“Hey. We’ve got this. Leave the math to Pidge,” Lance smiled wistfully after this phrase, “you may be an engineer, but sometimes it's best just to leave all the math to her and her genius brain,” Pidge somewhat grunted at this and waved her hand, but she seemed to involved in something to actually say anything. Lance continued, “Look, I know that everything looks terrible, especially Keith-” Lance cut himself off with a sharp breath, which he let out shakily before continuing, “But what is new? This is a war that we’ve been cast into by some sort of twisted up destiny, and everything always looks terrible in war. But we’ve faced worse odds before, or at least odds just as bad. Remember Naxzela? We were all sure that we were all going to die, but then Allura’s super amazing powers got us out. Now I’m not saying that this situation looks good, but I’m not saying we should give up hope. We still have to try. We still can fight, no one has taken that from us. If Keith were here, quiznack knows that he would be rearing and ready for a fight. We need to fight. For Keith,” Lance was rambling slightly, but his words struck pride into Shiro’s heart. 

Shiro could suddenly see how much Lance has grown in their year away from earth, how strong he has become. How brave.  _ He could be a good leader one day _ Shiro found himself thinking, but then his heart hurt as he remembered the fate of the last person he had thought that about.  

All of the paladins had grown up in their time at space. They had to have. There was no staying young and innocent in war, and Shiro’s heart sank as he remembered that his companions were just teenagers, just  _ kids _ . Shiro wasn’t that much older than them, but he felt a lot older a lot of the time. Shiro couldn’t help but feel pride about how brave all his younger companions were though. How strong. 

“Lance is right. We must fight,” Allura paused, and then let out a smaller, “for Keith.”

“Indeed. We must fight for Number Four, quiznack knows that that is what he would have us do,” Coran added.

“My son has found good company,” Keith’s mom- Krolia, Shiro believed, judging from Pidge’s story of what had happened- said softly, “He most assuredly would wish all of you to keep fighting.”

“For Keith,” The Altean- Romelle- said softly.

“Okay, yeah. We should fight. For Keith,” Hunk said, sounding sad at the mention of Keith.

“Oh, we certainly won’t quit just because the odds are against us. We’ve never done that before, and I personally don’t think that now is the time to start. Besides, we have something that Lotor doesn’t have,” Pidge grinned, but to Shiro it looked a lot sharper, like an animal bearing its teeth before tearing into a carcass. “A good reason to fight. I don’t know about you guys, but I need to serve some good old-fashioned revenge. And it looks like Lotor is headed just this way to get his plate.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I'm not sure when the next chapter will be uploaded, I may end up staying up pretty late and writing it, or it may take a much longer time because I do have homework to do that I have been procrastinating. It probably will be later though.
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone! Thank you for returning! This chapter was sort of a struggle to write, and I hope it came out alright. It may get a little confusing at times, so sorry about that, but it couldn't be helped considering the circumstances featured in it. As always, not read over again, so sorry for any blaring errors. Thanks to everyone who left a comement or Kudos, you guys literally make my day!  
> Any who, on with the chapter, hope you enjoy!

Shiro sat alone in the quite that followed the disconnection of the screen to the castle. The others had decided that they would destroy the entrance into the quintessence field, and then they had stopped the link to Shiro while they planned how exactly to do that and how to hold Lotor off. Shiro could tell that Pidge was relieved not to be discussing all their plans in front of him, she still seemed incredibly suspicious of him, which hurt slightly, but Shiro had to admit she had a reason. If he were her, Shiro wasn’t sure he could trust him either.

It was discontenting, the silence, now that he had nothing to focus on other than his own thoughts, which were not very happy at the moment. He tried to avoid thinking about Keith, focus on getting back to the team, because he knew that if he thought about Keith much more he would completely break down, which would slow his process even more. 

Black rumbled, reminiscent of a purr, in what seemed to be a comforting way. It had been so much harder to understand Black after the battle with Zarkon, and he could tell that Black didn’t trust him nearly as much as before. He didn’t know what had changed. 

_ Maybe there was a way to find out though  _ Shiro thought, closing his eyes, though he did not ease up on the controls. He trusted Black to warn him if he was about to hit something, even if Black didn’t trust him. 

He wasn’t sure if this would work, but at the very least it would take his mind off of Keith. Taking a deep breath in, he focused.  _ Patience yields focus. _

It took him a long time to get there, but he was patient, and he eventually felt something shift. Opening his eyes slowly, he found that he was no longer in the Black Lion’s cockpit. Stars filled his vision. He had made it to the astral plane. He let a quick smile slip.

“So, you’ve finally made it here. I was wondering how long it would take you,” Shiro started at the voice, jumping slightly and quickly turning, instinct telling him to light up his Galran arm, but of course it didn’t work with Pidge’s band around it. Eyes darting around, they landed on the source of the voice. He blinked. Rubbed his eyes. And blinked again. Still there.

It was him. Or at least, it looked just like him, at least like how he had looked before the battle with Zarkon, with a shaved undercut and his Galran arm only reaching up to his shoulder, not covering it. Shiro absentmindedly dragged his left hand over his hair, feeling to make sure that he didn’t have the undercut.

“Who are you?” Shiro’s voice came out echoey and distance. The not-Shiro smiled, though it looked sad.

“I’m Shiro.”

Shiro’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What?”

“You heard me.”

What was going on? How was this figure Shiro? Shiro was Shiro. It didn’t make any sense. 

“How are you me though? What-” Shiro was cut off by the not-Shiro.

“I never said I was you. I’m Shiro,” he said, his voice coming out as a whisper as the figure faded away. Shiro whirled around, eyes scanning the horizon of the astral plane to make sure that the figure hadn’t materialized somewhere else. Shiro saw no signs of it.

Shiro was incredibly confused. Why did the figure say that he was Shiro, but not  _ him _ ? He was Shiro. Who or what was the other so-called-Shiro? Where did they go anyways? Shiro needed answers.

“Hello?” he called out, though he was only met with his echo ringing until it faded out. He tried again, “Hello?”

“Sorry,” Shiro heard behind him, and he whirled around, meeting familiar grey eyes. The eyes he saw every time he looked in a mirror. “It’s hard for me to remain in a form for long. It’s been getting worse lately though,” not-Shiro muttered to himself.

What was this figure talking about? He wasn’t making any sense. But before Shiro could open his mouth, the not-Shiro snapped to attention. “How long has it been since the battle with Zarkon?” he asked unexpectedly, startling Shiro and the mention of the battle with Zarkon made his blood run cold.  _ That was when Black stopped trusting me. What I came here to find out more about. How did this thing know about that? _

“Uh, not quite a year in Earth-time I think. Maybe like nine to eleven months? I don’t remember what Pidge said.” The figure was mouthing the words  _ nine months _ , seeming to be shocked, when Shiro saw an opportunity to ask a question. “What did you mean when you said that you were Shiro, but not me?  _ I’m _ Shiro.”

However, when Shiro said that he had a sense of dread come over him, and he suddenly wasn’t sure. A memory him standing in a tube slowly filling with a purple liquid flashed across his sight, along with the words  _ Project Kuron _ hissed in his ears. He shook his head to dispel these thoughts.

The not-Shiro looked at him with what looked like pity in his eyes. He shook his head slowly. “I know that you’re not going to believe me, but you  _ aren’t _ . You haven’t been since the battle against Zarkon. I died in that battle. My physical body was destroyed. You weren’t alive before that battle. Do you remember the giant tubes at the place where you-” The not-Shiro (or maybe-Shiro? Shiro didn’t know what was going on) stuck in a breath, “where you and Keith just were? Did you see in any of them?” The other figure’s voice was getting smaller, and he disappeared again. Shiro wasn’t alarmed this time, he would be back.

Shiro did remember the tubes.  _ His Glara arm glowing a frighteningly bright purple, for some reason reaching up to his shoulder. Metal platforms and structures, some with tubes and some broken, like the one right in front of him, limiting his sight of the figure in red paladin armour behind it. _ He took a breath in, focusing on not letting the flashback overcome him. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine the tubes that had been right in front of him, and he began remembering that there was something in them. Something that was vaguely human-like in shape. Something else about the tubes seemed familiar too,  _ he pounded on the glass that was trapping him in here, desprate to get out, but it was pointless. They stood around his tube, taking notes and watching him behind masked faces. The purple liquid was climbing too fast, much to fast. All of a sudden it was over his face and he couldn’t  _ breathe- Shiro pulled out of the memory with a gasp, eyes darting around his surroundings. He was in the Black Lion’s astral plane. He could breathe. He was safe. 

His eyes cast themselves over to a familiar figure, watching him with pity. Suddenly the pieces of the puzzle were fitting together. Black didn’t trust him. His long hair- far too long for it to have grown out during his month of captivity- when he had first escaped. The random gaps in his memory that hadn’t been there before the fight with Zarkon. His headaches. His arm changing, growing up to his shoulder and controlling him. This figure who was before him claiming to be Shiro but not him. The actual Shiro. 

Who was he then? He had only ever known himself as Shiro. It was the only thing he had known when under mind control. And now he was finding that even that wasn’t true.

Maybe he was just going crazy. It had only been a matter of time. But something about this situation told him that this was real, though whether it was the look in the real-Shiro’s eyes or Black’s feeling of confirmation, or some combination of the two, Shiro wasn’t sure.

“Are you saying I’m a-” Shiro (no longer Shiro) stuttered, “-a clone?”

The real Shiro nodded before starting, “Look, I know it doesn’t seem possible, but-”

No longer Shiro cut him off before he could finish. “I know. It’s real. I don’t know how, but I know that this, this is real. I know that I am a clone. I know I’m not Shiro.”

“Okay.” the real Shiro said simply, and then disappeared again, leaving the clone to mull in this new revelation. A new question filled in his mind.  _ How could he get the real Shiro out of here _ ? The team needed the real Shiro, not him. Especially after what he had done. Especially after Keith- not-Shiro couldn’t finish the thought.

Once the real Shiro appeared again, not-Shiro asked. The real Shiro seemed taken back at the question and it takes him a moment to respond. “I don’t know. I’ve tried to get out before, but it's impossible without a physical body to go to.”

“Could you go to mine?” Clone Shiro asked without hesitation. The real Shiro blinked.

“I doubt it. You can’t just jump out to a body that isn’t yours. Besides, I’m not just going to leave you in here,” Shiro glanced around, “No one deserves to be trapped in here forever.”

“You don’t either!” Clone Shiro argued, “Besides, I deserve to be trapped in here more than you, especially after what I’ve done…” not-Shiro had to look away from the real Shiro, which was how he was caught off-guard by a hand on his shoulder, causing him to look up and meet a familiar set of grey eyes.

“It wasn’t you who- who ki- hurt Keith,” real-Shiro was stuttering, and not-Shiro could see tears well up in his eyes, though they did not fall, “It was the witch. She controlled you through your arm. It wasn’t your fault.”

For some reason, hearing this made not-Shiro want to cry even more. But he held it back. A thought occurred to him. “Could you cut it off?” he asked.

The real Shiro didn’t have to ask to know what he was talking about. “No, not yet. You still need it to pilot Black and get back to the others. Just keep Pidge’s band on, and you should be fine.” Shiro frowned, “It’s probably time for you to go back now. The team is trying to talk to you through the coms. I’ll try to help from here, maybe I can help Black go faster or something,” the real Shiro’s voice was fading just as he was. And everything else, not-Shiro noticed with a start. The entire astral plane was fading before his eyes, slowly morphing back to Black’s cockpit. 

Before it faded completely, he meet eyes with Shiro. “I’m going to get you out of there, I promise.”

But the real Shiro merely smiled sadly, like he knew it was an empty promise, and then he and the rest of the astral plane was gone, leaving not-Shiro sitting in Black’s pilot seat while the other paladin’s voices came over the coms. Not-Shiro pushed on Black’s controls even further, and though he had thought he had been going as fast as possible before, Black shot off at even higher speeds. Not-Shiro smiled bitterly to himself, and muttered a  _ thanks Shiro _ , before picking up the com link and responding to the others.

“Sorry, I was in the astral plane of Black for a while, trying to get her to go faster. What did I miss?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. I'll try and update this pretty soon, but the next couple days are going to be pretty chaotic, so it may be a little while before my next update. See ya then (hopefully)
> 
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry that I couldn't get this up before, but these last few days have been really busy, and I haven't had anytime to work on this. This chapter was sort of a pain to write, I don't really like writing battles all that much, but I did it. As always, it is unbetaed and not proof-read, so sorry about any mistakes.   
> Anyways, hope you enjoy!

Not-Shiro winced at every cry from the other end of the com links. The team was not doing so hot according to what he could hear and make out. From what he could piece together, it sounded like Lotor had somehow managed to make his own version of Voltron, and it was more powerful than anything the team had faced before. 

“Come on Black, work with me. I need to get back to the team,” not-Shiro muttered, never easing up on the controls. He hesitated a moment before continuing. “Come on Shiro.”

He blinked and suddenly he was back in the astral plane, the real Shiro standing to his side. The real Shiro gave him a small smile, and then told him, “You can get to them, you just need to see them first.” The astral plane then faded, but not-Shiro suddenly knew what to do. It may not have actually been him at the time, but he remembered how to connect with Black close enough to see through her eyes. 

He started by closing his eyes and focusing, which was a task made difficult by the cries of pain and concern coming from the team. But he had to focus so that he could get to them in time.  _ Patience yields focus _ .

Suddenly not-Shiro could see them. He could Lotors mecha taking a swipe at the blue lion, could see Lance’s determination, Pidge’s fear, Allura’s worry, and Hunk’s desperation. Suddenly, he was flying at speeds he, or Shiro at least, had only accessed once before, during the fight with Zarkon. 

In what seemed like merely a second, not-Shiro was there. Just in time too, by the looks of it, all the lions were drifting dead in the water- or space- and Lotor was just readying for the final blow. Determined not to let that blow be dealt, Shiro rammed the Black Lion right into Lotor’s mecha at high speeds, and appeared to manage to disable it temporarily.

“K-Shiro?! How did you get here so fast?” Lance exclaimed, his near and his near slip up was not lost on not-Shiro.

“I had a little help,” not-Shiro said vaguely. He then continued with confidence, “Now on me. Form Voltron!”

Forming Voltron felt just as natural as it always had, and not-Shiro relaxed a little with the knowledge that just because he now knew he was a clone, he could still form Voltron. He found if he really focused on the bond, he could feel a sixth presence- the real Shiro.

There was a moment where Voltron and Lotor’s mecha faced each other, seeming to consider the other. Then the moment of peace was over and Lotor shot a beam at Voltron.

“Quick, form Shield!” not-Shiro cried. They only just managed to get said shield up in time to intercept Lotor’s beam. Even so, they were struggling, they couldn’t hold the shield up forever. Not-Shiro had to  _ think _ .

But there was no time to think. Now was the time to go on instincts, not a carefully laid out plan. This battle would have been better for Keith to lead. He should have been leading it to, but-

No, now was not the time. He needed to focus.  _ What would Keith do? _ he wondered. Not-Shiro knew the answer. Don’t think, just act.

“Hunk, form Shoulder Cannon!”

“On it!” a moment later they had abandoned their shield and shot at Lotor with everything they had. However, they couldn’t seem to hit Lotor.

“He’s too fast!” Lance exclaimed as yet another asteroid caught up in Hunk’s cannon blew up and Lotor evaded with ease.

Not-Shiro frowned. They had to deal with that. They couldn’t hit him with long range weapons, not with Lotor’s speed, that much was evident, but maybe with a closer range weapon…

“Then we’ll have to get in close. Form sword!” not-Shiro exclaimed. The team reacted without question, which was something that not-Shiro was relieved about. Even Pidge didn’t hesitate against his orders.

In his mecha, Lotor saw them form their sword, and matched it by materializing two sabers of his own. Not wasting another second, the two giant robots rushed each other, trading blows and dodging so fast it made not-Shiro’s head spin. Voltron took far more hits than he would have liked it to have, but with the power and speed of Lotor’s mecha, it was only a wonder that they hadn’t been on the receiving end of even more blows. 

At some point during the battle, not-Shiro could hear Lotor talking, saying in a voice that chilled his blood, “Now we will see how Alfor’s legacy stands against the new Altean defender!”

After this pronouncement, Lotor seemed to fight even harder, with Voltron barely able to keep up.

“Duck!” not-Shiro cried, and Voltron avoided a blow to the face. 

“Shield up!” he cried when there was some distance between them and Lotor.

“Attack!” he shouted when Lotor got close.

They fought with the sword, and Pidge was shooting lasers from her lion, but it wasn’t enough. A moment later Lotor whipped around, sending his robot’s tail into Voltron’s face, causing them to fly off, crashing into asteroids as they went.

“We can’t touch him, he’s too fast!” Pidge exclaimed. She was right, they had barely been able to lay so much as a finger on Lotor. 

“We need to keep him from moving around so much. Back him into a corner or something.” Hunk said.

“ Hunk is right, we have to eliminate his speed advantage. Limit his movements.” Pidge agreed.

Not-Shiro glanced around quickly, trying to spot a place that would work. However, he needn’t have worried, someone else spotted it first.

“There!” Lance exclaimed, spotting an asteroid that appeared hollowed out on one side. It was perfect.

“Now we just have to lure him in close,” not-Shiro said, and Voltron shot off towards the asteroid, Lotor following close behind.  _ Perfect _ .

When Voltron made it to the center of the crater, they stopped. And waited, though not for long. Lotor flew swiftly behind them, and seeing them stop, sent a chest-beam towards them, which they only just managed to hold off with their shield. 

Lotor came closer. And closer, all the while rapidly gaining speed. “Wait for him,” not-Shiro muttered, “Let him build up speed.” 

Lotor was close now, just a little further… There. “Now!” 

Voltron shot away, leaving Lotor to crash into the rocky surface. Not wasting a moment, Voltron came up behind him, Pidge’s and Lance’s lions’ maws both glowing with lasers. Lotor seemed to realize what was going on, and tried to fly away, but for him it was too late. The lasers glowed as they shot across empty space, so bright that they were hard to see when they hit Lotor. But they must have hit him, because when their light faded, he was gone.

“Where’d he go?” Hunk asked, alarmed.

“He’s behind us!” Pidge cried. Huh, maybe not so gone. He was faster than they had thought.

“Hunk, hit him with the shoulder cannon!” not-Shiro cried, not missing a beat.

“On it.” Within a moment, the cannon had appeared.

“Fire!”

Strangely enough, Lotor didn’t move or try to get away from the beam, as not-Shiro had thought he would- quiznack knows that Lotor would have been fast enough to get away. Instead though, the beam seemed to hit Lotor straight on, this time it was clear that Lotor hadn’t somehow dodged out last moment again. When the light faded, he was gone.

Not-Shiro frowned, and quickly turned to survey their surroundings, making sure that Lotor wasn’t going to just come up behind them again, but he wasn’t there. Not-Shiro’s frown deeped. 

“Did we get him?” Lance asked, his voice a mix of caution and hope.

“I don’t know.” Hunk sounded anxious.

A tick passed. Then another. Nothing.

“Yeah,” Lance drawled, sounding relaxed and excited, “We got him.”

Allura sounded confused and worried. “I’m not so sure.”

Suddenly there was a force crashing into Voltron from the side, sending them flying. When they stabilized, not-Shiro caught sight of Lotor’s mecha, glowing purple.

“Is everyone okay?” not-Shiro asked. 

“How is he moving so fast?” Pidge asked instead of answering. It was enough to reassure not-Shiro.

“We’ve got to get up and attack!” this came from Lance, and Voltron began to fly towards Lotor to do so. 

However, before they got there, Lotor vanished again. Voltron whirled around, trying to spot him, but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Okay, so that time we  _ definitely _ did not get him,” Lance said hesitantly.

Before anyone had time to respond, Lotor appeared again, crashing into them, only to disappear and reappear quickly, throwing Voltron around like a ragdoll.

“How can he just disappear like that?” Hunk wondered before grunting as Lotor rammed into them once again.

“He’s entering the quintessence field at will,” Allura said, voice cold with realization.

“Didn’t we blow up the gate?” Hunk sounded confused.

“How is he entering without it?” Pidge wondered in a tone that told not-Shiro she was thinking hard about it, trying to find a logical answer.

Allura was the one who answered them, her voice filled with horror, “Because I gave his ships the ability.”

Not-Shiro’s blood ran cold at the thought. Lotor having unlimited access to that much quintessence… It would make Lotor unbeatable.

“”Unlimited power is mine.  _ All _ realities will fall to the new Altean Empire.” Lotor’s voice crackled over the coms, it appeared that they had their line to him turned off, but his line to them was still strong. 

Lotor shot a beam from his mecha’s chest at them, and Voltron struggled to hold it off with their shield. It wasn’t enough. Their shield broke, and for a moment, they were dead in the water. 

Lotor chose this moment to helpfully vanish, which not-Shiro couldn’t help but to be relieved about the moment of reprise, even if it turned out to be brief. What not-Shiro was not relieved about was the place that Lotor was vanished to.

“We have to go in after him. Getting power from the quintessence is the only way we can match his strength,” Pidge said, sounding determined. 

“Can we do that?” Hunk asked.

“If he can, Voltron can,” she said confidently, though a moment later, she continued hesitantly, “Can’t we?”

Allura sounded very hesitant and worried in her reply. “My father did it once before, but it’s extremely dangerous.”

Not-Shiro didn’t like the sound of that, but it may be the only chance they had to defeat Lotor. They were going to get killed if they didn’t, which Lance seemed to realize first.

“Do we have a choice?”

They didn’t.

“Allura, we need your help. We have to try.” The  _ or else _ went unsaid. Or else Lotor will win. That he will take control over everything, right after destroying them.  _ At least then we would be with Keith _ , not-Shiro couldn’t help the thought, and he quickly shook it away, but it left a burning feeling in his throat that lingered. Not yet. They had to defeat Lotor, then they could deal with Keith. The thought discomforted not-Shiro, he did not enjoy the thought of putting his little brother anywhere but the top of his priorities, but Keith would understand. His brother would understand.

_ Is he even my brother still with this whole clone thing? _ The thought once again came unwelcome into not-Shiro’s thoughts, and he shook it as quickly as possible, though it still seemed to linger. This was not the time.

Allura let out a sigh, and it seemed to shake a little, and not-Shiro felt a little bad about pressuring her to do something she so obviously was anxious about, but they had to do this. 

“I may be able to guide us in, but,” Allura paused slightly before continuing, as if determining if she really was going to go through with this, “I’ll need you all to focus your energy.”

Not-Shiro immediately closed his eyes and tried to do as Allura had said. He felt the transition to the astral plane come a lot easier this time compared to the first, and once there he felt a heavy hand rest on his shoulder. He squinted open his eyes, and wasn’t surprised to see that it was the real Shiro there, giving him an encouraging smile before looking fondly over the other paladins. This must have been one of the only times he had really seen them since the fight with Zarkon, not-Shiro suddenly realized. However, Shiro made no moves to interact with the other paladins and risk disrupting their concentration, and he settled for drinking in the sight of them.

Not-Shiro’s eyes slipped closed again, and the next time he opened them, he was back in Voltron. Something felt different, though not-Shiro could not put a name to it. 

Up ahead, a bright light illuminated not-Shiro. Allura’s voice filled the coms, sounding calm and focused. “Form sword.”

Voltron’s hands slammed together as everyone twisted their bayards, and in a moment they were holding a familiar flaming sword. 

Voltron flew forward, sword outstretched, and it seemed to tear into space itself, causing a bright light and a ring of flames to stretch outwards from the rip they tore. They traveled through the tear, and were surrounded by a field of cloudy whiteness.

“Woah,” Lance muttered in amazement, and not-Shiro thought that that summed it all up. This was what the quintessence field looked like then. Not-Shiro could already feel its power coursing through him, and Black seemed to growl in agreement.

Lotor’s mecha was there already, a dark mark amongst the pure white of the raw quintessence. 

“I underestimated you, princess.” With this statement, Lotor rushed towards them, dual swords outstretched. Not-Shiro felt a surge of power course through Voltron, and they readily met Lotor in battle. With all the quintessence surrounding them, it was child's play to meet Lotor’s blows and land ones of their own, though even the landed blows seemed to have no effect, on either of them, not-Shiro soon realized as Lotor got in a hit that sent them spirling backwards.

Pidge voiced his thoughts, sounding amazed. “We took a major shot, but I feel fine!”

Hunk added on, “This quintessence is keeping us at full power!”

“It's not just that,” Shiro began, “Can you hear your lions talking to you?”

“Voltron is capable of more than we ever imagined!” Lance said excitedly.

As if to demonstrate, not-Shiro discovered how to make Voltron shoot laser eyes towards Lotor, causing the latter to dodge out of the way. 

“ATTACK!” Pidge shouted, seeming to be riding on a high of addrenline. Not that not-Shiro could blame her, he felt addrenline mixing with the power of quintessence flowing under his skin. 

Not-Shiro was constantly learning more and more things that Voltron was capable of, from the Green Lion’s head apparently being able to detect and attack a target, and that the Red Lion could shoot out a sort of laser javelin. In Black, he had new screens and buttons popping up everywhere, and he could hear Black in the back of his mind telling him what each was for before they disappeared as quick as they appeared. Somehow not-Shiro was able to remember everything.

_ This one,  _ Black’s voice echoed in the back of not-Shiro’s head,  _ shows all the health statuses of anyone within their lions. _

It wasn’t particularly interesting, it showed all five dots glowing brightly, the quintessence apparently not only healing the lions but also the paladins. Shiro almost swiped it away, to let something more interesting appear, when he saw something that made his breath catch.

“Black, is this....” not-Shiro couldn’t finish and Black didn’t respond, a moment later the screen disappeared, just as all the others had. However, not-Shiro knew what he had seen.

Because he had seen five healthily-glowing dots, one in each lion, representing Pidge, Lance, Hunk, Allura, and himself respectively.

And he had seen a very faintly glowing, only just there, light joining his light within the Black Lion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this chapter I officially chose the plot line that I will be following for the rest of this story. I'll try and get the next chapter up as soon as I can.  
> Hope you enjoyed, thank you to all of you that leave a comment or Kudos, you guys make me so happy.
> 
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone! I had quite a bit of fun while writing this chapter, though there was a point where I ended up fixing a big part of it because I was having slightly too much fun with writing it, and none of what I was writing was making any sense. But I am much happier with this version of it.  
> As always, it is unbetaed and not proof-read, so sorry about any glaring mistakes.  
> Thank you to everyone who comments and leaves Kudos, you guys make me so happy.
> 
> Anyways, on with the chapter. Hope you enjoy!

Not-Shiro’s mind raced as he thought. As he hoped. Part of him told him not to get his hopes up; he had probably just been seeing things, or the system wasn’t quite 100% accurate--the Lions were over 10,000 years old after all (Black growled at that though, annoyed that not-Shiro would institute something like that). However, he couldn’t help the surge of hope that flooded his chest, the quintessence  _ was _ incredibly powerful, and it had healed the Lions, who was to say that it couldn’t heal a half-galran half-human?

_ Because there isn’t a cure to death _ . 

But what if there was? What if this quintessence had the ability to heal, even if someone wasn’t still breathing? No one really knew all that much about quintessence, even Allura and Coran didn’t know everything about the stuff, and what if this was just one of the many things about quintessence that they hadn’t learned yet? What if the quintessence actually had brought Keith back to life?

The thought made not-Shiro want to dart out of the cockpit as fast as humanly possible and make his way down to where Keith was, and he almost did so, if Allura hadn’t suddenly cried out.

“We have to get out of here!” she called, fear thick in her voice. Not-Shiro’s heart dropped, even if by some miracle the quintessence field had brought Keith back to life, not-Shiro was fairly certain that leaving the quintessence field would leave Keith in the same state as he had been in before, which is to say, dead. Not-Shiro didn’t know if he could handle losing his brother again.

He opened his mouth to argue, no, they had to stay, before the youngest paladin interrupted him. 

“What are you talking about? We have the chance to destroy Lotor in here, but the second we leave, it will be over, for  _ all _ of us,” Pidge said, hostility making her voice sharp, and her emphasis on all reminded not-Shiro that even with what he had seen, the others had no knowledge of the fact that Keith may be alive. That the quintessence field had brought him back to life.

Not-Shiro opened his mouth to tell the others, but then hesitated. Should he tell them? What if Keith was still dead, and he gave them a false hope? Would that not be so much worse to be given hope and to have it brutally torn away from you than to have never had it in the first place? He closed his mouth again.

“This is exactly what happened to Zarkon!” Allura cried, sounding frantic. Not-Shiro’s heart sank as he realized what point she was going to make a moment before she continued. “Exposuring to all this quintessence turned him into a monster!”

She was right. They had to leave. Not-Shiro stared at the place where the screen had popped up that had given him a hope for his younger brother, feeling tears welling up in his eyes. Even if he was alive now, it was only barely, and he definitely wouldn’t survive leaving the quintessence field. Not-Shiro shut his eyes tightly before he made his choice and spoke over the coms, trying to keep the tears out of his voice.

“Allura is right. We need to get out of here.” Each word felt like he was sentencing his brother to a death sentence. He knew that even if it hadn’t been his fault that Keith was dead in the first place, it definitely would be now.  _ I’m sorry Keith. _

It was what Keith would have wanted. Not-Shiro knew this, but the thought only served to make him feel even worse. Still, he had to protect the rest of his team.

Lotor’s laugh cackle came over the coms, followed by his voice. “Poor Allura, all the power in the Universe at your fingertips, and you still fear using it.”

Not-Shiro wondered how Lotor had known what they were talking about, and then saw the com link blinking lazily, indicating it was transmitting. He knew it hadn’t been one earlier, and figured that the power of all the quintessence must have somehow turned it on. However, he wasn’t given much time to really think about it as Lotor charged at them, only for Voltron to fly away, Lotor giving chase.

“Allura’s right, we’re out of control!” Lance exclaimed moments before they made another hairpin turn in the attempt to shake Lotor off their heels. 

”All our systems are overloaded!” Pidge exclaimed, as if just realizing this after being shaken out of the haze the quintessence had put them all in.

“How do we stop this?” Hunk asked as they dodged Lotor yet again.

Allura’s voice was dark when she spoke again. 

“We give Lotor all the power he wants.”

Not-Shiro realized what that mean the second Voltron stopped, facing Lotor, and Allura went silent. He felt a flash of fear and was overcome with the thought,  _ No, she can’t take all of Voltron’s power. That would kill Keith. _

But he couldn’t protest either. It was the only way they could stop Lotor and get out of here and get the rest of the team to safety. They had to do this.

Not-Shiro grit his teeth and tried to keep his tears from falling. His brother was going to die again, and it would all be his fault.

He was nearly so consumed in his thoughts that he didn’t hear Allura’s gasp, though the quiet  _ Keith _ that slipped out of her lips caught his attention. She must have sensed his quintessence. Not-Shiro opened a com link directly to the Blue Lion, acting only on intuition and without anything to really say, and was met with Allura’s face creased in concentration and eyes closed. Her mouth on mouthed  _ Keith _ once, and then she seemed to focus even harder, a look of determination crossing her face. 

Not-Shiro felt awkward, and cut off the com link. He didn’t know what Allura was doing, not exactly, but he trusted her. He was still worried about Keith, though he was pretty sure that Allura now knew he was alive and would do everything in her power to keep it that way. 

All of a sudden, a brilliant burst of power burst out of Voltron’s chest, nearly blasting away Lotor, who was still flying towards them, swords out. Lotor fought through the beam, but he appeared to be struggling.

The Black Lion’s cockpit had small crackles of what looked like electricity, small lightning bolts crackling and snapping across the walls and control panel. Not-Shiro was careful not to touch it. 

Lotor’s mecha also appeared to be short-circuiting, a lightning-like energy snapping off of his body. Still, he struggled forward, and nearly made it to Voltron before the beam of power got to be too much for Lotor’s mecha, and it went dead.

Everyone took a moment to breathe, all in varying degrees of relief and shock of what had just happened.

Not-Shiro was the first to speak up, all the while trying not to think about what using all Voltrons’ quintessence like that had done to Keith. “Let’s grab Lotor and get out of here.”

Pidge was the first to disagree. “No! We can’t! We have to leave now.”

“We must try!” Allura argued. Not-Shiro wondered if he was thinking the same thing as him, every moment more they spent in the quintessence field, the greater a chance Keith had of recovering, even though every moment the danger of quintessence poisoning grew.

“Pidge is right, we stay in here much longer, Voltron is done for!” Hunk voiced, agreeing with Pidge. He was right, not-Shiro realized, he had to protect the other paladins. And it was dangerous for them to stay here even a minute longer.

Allura wasn’t quite done arguing though. ”We must try!”

“Allura, we’ve got to go  _ now _ !” This time it was Lance.

Not-Shiro opened a private com to the Blue Lion, making sure the others couldn’t hear what he and Allura would say. He didn’t want to give them any false hopes.

“Allura, Lotor’s made his choice, let’s-” not-Shiro was cut off by Allura.

“I am not concerned about Lotor,” Allura said, eyes flashing, only to be overcome by a sadness that spoke of the honesty of her words. She took a deep breath before continuing. “Shiro, Keith- he, he’s  _ alive _ . We need to stay here for a bit more. The quintessence-”

Not-Shiro cut her off this time, speaking in a choked voice. “It’s healing him. I know. But Allura-- we can’t stay here any longer. This much quintessence isn’t-- it’s poisoning us. We have to get out of here.”

Allura seemed shocked for a moment, and then her face fell into grief and understanding. “I understand.”

Not-Shiro disconnect the com, and he spoke to everyone when he said, “Let’s get out of here.”

They flew out of the quintessence field, leaving Lotor’s mecha and not-Shiro’s heart behind with the knowledge that he may have just killed his brother for the second time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was saying above, I was going to go about this chapter in a ridiculous way that made very little sense, and I got about 300-400 words into the strange part before realizing what I was writing was making no sense, so I am a lot happier with how this version came out. (If anyone is interested in what the weird way I was going to go about this chapter, I still have it and could maybe post it for a little bit before taking it down because it was really bad).
> 
> Anyways, I think that I should probably get the next chapter up pretty soon, thank you for reading!
> 
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again, this is the second chapter I've gotten up today, at least by my time. As always, unbeated, and not proof-read.  
> Thank you for reading, and a special thanks to all those who comment/leave Kudos, you guys make my day, no joke.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

The moment they excited the quintessence field, not-Shiro wanted to dart to check on Keith, but he was distracted by several glowing tears maring the darkness of space.

Before he could ask the others what they were, a screen popped up, showing Allura’s face and signally a direct communication to him. 

“Go,” was all she said before disconnecting. Not-Shiro wasted no time in grabbing a tablet so he could still communicate with his team, and raced off to check on Keith. 

By the time he was in the hold, he was out of breath and Allura had answered the team’s questions about what she had done in the quintessence field. Just as he opened the door and stepped through, Coran’s voice began talking, and not-Shiro felt a flash of fear when he heard of the threat the glowing tears provided. Nevertheless, he was undeterred from checking on Keith, though his foot paused a moment before coming to the side of the healing pod.  _ Did he really want to know? _

His foot stepped down, of course he wanted to know. There was a chance his brother was alive, of course he was going to chase that chance.

The first thing he noticed was that the healing pod was on, but that didn’t surprise him, he thinks that at some point when he had put Keith in the pod, he had hit the on button out of a desperate hope that maybe, just maybe, it could fix Keith.

The second thing he noticed was that there was still an ugly scar maring half of Keith face, it was still an angry red, and it looked weirdly like his mother’s galran markings. Not-Shiro stopped thinking about that when his gaze landed on Keith’s chest and his breath hitched.

It wasn’t a pretty sight, Keith’s flight suit was torn and burned, and what the tear revealed of his chest was an angry sight of the purples and blues of bruises. There was an angry scar where not-Shiro’s sword had impaled his heart.

But it was a scar. It was no longer the gaping hole that it had been before, instead it looked like it had only been a cut that broke only a couple layers of skin. It was still a bright angry red, much like the slice on his cheek, but it looked so much better than it had been. It appeared that the quintessence had been healing him.

However, not-Shiro knew that just because he had been healed a little bit did not mean that Keith was alive. With a shaking hand, he clicked the button he knew would display the condition of the person inside the healing pod. 

Not-Shiro took a moment to scan the results, and then scan them again, and one last time to make sure he wasn’t seeing things, and then he let out a relieved laugh that was somewhat choked with tears, but it mostly a happy sound, and was apparently loud enough to catch the attention of the other paladins through the coms.

“Shiro?” Hunk’s voice came in confused, and not-Shiro looked over to the tablet in his hand, where the other paladins and Coran’s faces were shown, each currently showing confusion and sadness. “Are-are you  _ happy _ that we have to give up the Castle of Lions?”

Allura’s face lit up with hope. “He’s okay?”

Not-Shiro nodded, while everyone else looked confused. Pidge’s eyes were calculating.

“ _ Who’s _ okay?” Lance asked.

“ _ Keith, _ ” Pidge breathed out, eyes darting to not-Shiro, voice rising with each spoken word. “He’s  _ alive _ ? You lied to us?”

“No, I didn’t-” not-Shiro was cut off.

“My son is alive?” not-Shiro jumped slightly, he hadn’t seen Krolia behind Coran. 

“Yes.”

This statement caused everyone to smile for the first time in what seemed like forever. Lance whooped, “Yeah, Mullet’s alive!”, Pidge cheered, Hunk covered his face when tears came to his eyes, and everyone else had excited smiles on their faces.

“Um,” Romelle spoke up, sounding hesitant, “Not to be depressing or anything, but neither Keith nor the rest of us will be alive pretty soon if we don’t do something fast.

Allura straightened with practiced ease, and took charge. “She is correct. Coran, begin preparations. Everyone else, begin evacuating the Castle.” Her voice left no room for question, and though not-Shiro didn’t want to leave Keith, he knew he had to fly Black back to the Castle to help with evacuating the Castle. Taking the tablet with him and casting one last look at Keith in the healing pod that had told him that his little brother would be alright with time, not-Shiro hurried to Black’s cockpit.

It was a weird experience, unloading the Castle. For over a year now, it had served as their home, within its walls were so many memories. Not-Shiro couldn’t help but wonder which memories were actually his and which were Shiro’s. As he walked past the kitchen, he knew that the food-fight had definitely been Shiro’s but it still felt so real to him. He walked through the longue, and wondered of all the happy memories he had of late nights spent there talking and playing games with the other paladins had been his and which were Shiro’s. By the time he got to the training decks, remembering all the drills Allura had made them run and of late nights spent up sparing with Keith, not-Shiro began to question why it mattered so much to him which memories were his or not, they were real to him and that was what really mattered.

Not-Shiro had already packed everything of his along with lots of supplies into Black, and was currently working with Krolia to get some healing pods onto the ship.

“They will be handy if anything goes wrong.” Pidge had pointed out, and everyone heard her concern for Keith go unvoiced. This was the third one they had dragged in, and it would be their last. They were nearly out of time. They needed to leave. They would never see the inside of the Castle again.

Krolia stood over Keith, watching him carefully with the blue wolf by her side as not-Shiro carefully arranged the third cryo-pod into a place where it would not be disturbed as Black flew. She caught not-Shiro off guard when she spoke to him.

“He spoke very highly of you,” Krolia stated, causing not-Shiro to blink as he turned to look at her. “On the back of the whale, he told me of how you helped him. How much he owed you. How you were his brother.” Her head turned to not-Shiro, and he was struck by how much she looked like Keith. “This is why I do not believe you were under your own control when you killed him. Am I correct?”

Hearing Krolia say that, so bluntly (just like Keith), surprised not-Shiro. He answered honestly. “I would never hurt him.”  _ Except when you voted to leave the quintessence field, even though you thought it would kill Keith. _ The thought rattled not-Shiro, and he quickly shook it. That was different, the rest of the team was in danger, they had to leave, or else they would have been corrupted. It’s what Keith would want.

_ Was it though? _

Krolia was still staring at him, seeming to consider something, before speaking again. “You should leave to the cockpit. We need to get out of the Castle.”

Not-Shiro answered with a nod, and left hurriedly to go to the cockpit, troubling thoughts following him all the way.

The lions flew in a tight formation away from the Castle for the final time, trying to distance themselves from the explosion that would most certainly follow. The mood was heavy and solemn, everyone was sad about losing their home. Not-Shiro didn’t even want to know how it felt to Coran and Allura, who had already lost so much, their home planet, their families, their friends,  _ everything _ , and now they had to lose yet another piece of their home. Not-Shiro’s heart grieved for them.

The expected explosion caught them all off guard, causing them to voice their uncomfort as they were thrown forward. Then it was over.

Hunk was the first to turn around, cheering when he saw that the rifts had, in fact, closed. 

“It worked!” he celebrated.

Allura’s voice was softer when she spoke. “You did it Coran.”

“Look,” Hunk said, seeming to spot something as he flew the Yellow Lion forward, towards something that looked almost like a-

“What is it?” Pidge asked.

“It’s a diamond,” Hunk said when he got close enough to it. “The pressure must have crushed the Castle of Lions into this little diamond.”

The Yellow Lion scooped said diamond carefully up into its jaw before turning back and joining the others.

There was a moment of silence.

“Well,” Lance began,”We saved all realities everywhere. What do you guys want to do now?”

Not-Shiro suddenly realized it was over for now. They had just defeated Lotor, saving all the realities, then closed the rifts caused by Lotor, saving this universe, losing their home in the process. Keith had died, then come back, and Shiro found out that he wasn’t actually Shiro. It was a lot to take in. And the others didn’t even know any of the last part. It was time to fix that he supposed.

“We need to find some place to land. Coran should check over Keith to make sure he will be fine, I still am shaky in Altean at best.” Not-Shiro took in a shuddering breath before continuing, “And I suppose it’s time I answer all your questions and tell you everything that happened.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I may or may not get a chapter or two up tomorrow, we will just have to see. Thanks again for reading!
> 
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone! Here is another chapter, and I may be able to get one more up later today. I get the feeling like this story is starting to wrap up, I think there are really only a couple chapters left. (I don't really know though, because I never plan out the chapters in advance, I sort of just go with the flow in the general direction I want the story to go). This chapter is not special, it is not proof-read or anything, just like all the others.   
> Anyways, hope you enjoy!

“Wait, what?”

Not-Shiro had had a lot of interruptions by the other paladins as he told the whole story, though at first there hadn’t quite as many questions, though some of that was that Coran, Krolia, and Allura were focused on checking up on Keith as he had started and the others were distracted by that. 

Keith was given the all-clear after not-Shiro had described the fight that had left Keith in that condition, and that he should be recovered within around five quintents, which wasn’t much considering he had been  _ dead _ and that he would have scars from the burns-- the healing pods had a little difficulty with healing cauterized wounds apparently, and left them scarred. Not-Shiro felt terrible to know that Keith would now forever have scars on his face and chest from where  _ Shiro _ ,  _ his brother, _ or at least a body that look like him had betrayed him.

After everyone was reassured that Keith would be fine, all the attention was on not-Shiro, just in time for him to tell everyone how he was, in fact, not even Shiro.

“I’m not Shiro. Shiro’s spirit is trapped in the Black Lion. I apparently am just a clone given fake memories that was created by Haggar,” the words left a bitter taste in his mouth, and speaking them outloud to his team--Shiro’s team--made them feel so much more real. 

There was a shocked silence over everyone. Not-Shiro didn’t dare look up from the ground to look at their faces, he didn’t need to see the disgust and horror that was on them.

“I understand if you want me to leave. It’s weird, I know. I’m not the real Shiro,” not-Shiro felt his mouth turn down. This fact that he wasn’t really Shiro still struck not-Shiro in the wrong way. To himself he muttered, “Even though it  _ feels _ like I am.”

“Shiro,” Hunk voice sounded like he was going to cry, making not-Shiro instinctively look up and watched as Hunk tried to fix his mistake. “Or, not, Shiro? I don’t know man. This is really weird. I’m not quite sure how to take this, but you’re still Shiro to us. I mean, if you want to be. Do you want to be? Oh man, I’m sorry, I’m bad at this. Sorry-”

“Dude, remember to breath,” Lance told his friend, before turning to not Shiro. “But Hunk is right. You’re still Shiro. Kinda. If you want to be. Although we should work on a way to get the real Shiro out of,” he gestured vaguely around him at the interior of the Black Lion, “Ya know.”

Not-Shiro smiled at them, feeling incredibly grateful for them. “Thanks guys.” He then frowned, because Lance had brought up an important point. The real Shiro was still trapped in the astral plane, and not-Shiro knew that spending much longer in there would not be ideal for Shiro’s mental health. “Lance is right though. We need to get the real Shiro out of the astral plane,” not-Shiro paused a moment, taking it to look over the others’ faces, which varied from suspicion (Pidge),  curiosity (Coran and Romelle), an impassive look (Krolia, like mother like son), and one of intest focus (Allura). “Shiro--he didn’t seem like he was doing to well. He kept on vanishing, and I think being up there alone was really messing with him.”

Everyone was silent at this information, taking a moment to process it. Allura was the first to speak up.

“I-I may have an idea of how to get Shiro out of Black’s astral plane,” she spoke hesitantly. She looked directly at not-Shiro as she spoke, “However, he would still need a body to go to.”

Not-Shiro took a moment to realize what she was implying. “You mean, you could put him in my body? How would that work? Would I-” not-Shiro didn’t finish the question, realizing he didn’t really want to know the answer. What was important was getting Shiro out of the astral plane.

Allura looked at him consideringly. “I believe that it would blend both Shiro’s and his host’s minds, so that even the two couldn’t tell them apart. They would just simply become one being. Of course, I cannot be certain, this has never happened before after all.”

So they would just blend together. Not-Shiro didn’t think that that sounded too bad, so far as these things went. His and Shiro’s memories and feeling should be close enough anyways that it wouldn’t really make a huge difference. 

“I’ll do it.” he said confidently, but then a second thought occurred to him.  _ What if Shiro didn’t want to be placed in his body? _

“But first-” not-Shiro continued, “Could I ask Shiro if this is what he wants?”

Allura nodded. “Of course.”

Not-Shiro closed his eyes and focused, soon finding himself in the astral plane again. He opened his eyes to meet the same eyes he saw anytime he looked in a mirror.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Shiro asked, beating not-Shiro to the point.

“Of course. So long as you are okay with it.”

Shiro looked around the astral plane, and gave a sigh. “You aren’t going to exactly like my memories.”

Not-Shiro thought about the fight with Keith, how his body had pinned down Keith, how Keith’s hand that was  _ holding up his knife, the only thing keeping him alive, keeping Shiro from killing him, was getting progressively lower and lower as his brother was losing the strength to keep it up. _ Not-Shiro blinked and shook his head to rid himself of the flashback.

“You definitely are going to hate mine,” not-Shiro spoke up. “I  _ killed Keith. Our little brother. _ Are you sure you want to go through with this? You are going to have those memories too.”

Shiro closed his eyes and grimaced before opening them and staring around at the astral plane, and he seemed to come to a conclusion when he met not-Shiro’s eyes. 

“I’m sure.” His voice was steady and strong. However, when he looked around again, Shiro’s voice sound scared and fragile, ”I-I don’t think I can handle staying here anymore.”

“Okay. Let’s do this then,” not-Shiro said as he closed his eyes, and his last sight was of Shiro fading away again. He needed to get Shiro out of here.

When he opened his eyes again, he immediately nodded to Allura. “Let’s do it.”

Allura let out a resigned sigh, like she had expected that answer but had not hoped for it. “Alright,” she said, getting up and casting a look around the room. “I believe that this would be easiest if everyone were to come with me outside of the Black Lion. I need to be able to focus only on Shiro’s quintessence.” She cast a look over to Keith’s healing pod. “I fear that this includes Keith.”

Not-Shiro was going to wince, or wonder how they would do that, or do something at least, those pods were difficult to carry, and would be much more so with a person inside, but Krolia spoke before he could do anything. “I’ve got him.”

With that statement, she casually picked up the healing pod, Keith and all, and wandered of the room, leaving not-Shiro gaping at her back. Apparently she hadn’t even needed his help carrying the healing pods to the Black Lion, she had just done so to speak with him in private instead of just asking him for a word like anyone else would do. Not-Shiro almost snorted, it was such a Keith-like thing to do.

“Show-off,” Lance muttered under his breath before getting up to leave, which shook Shiro out of his shock. He stumbled to his feet and followed Lance out.

The surface of the planet where they had landed--really it was just an asteroid with an atmosphere somehow--was barren, with no plants or any signs of life in sight other than the lions and the paladins. It reminded not-Shiro of the planet he--or at least Shiro--and Keith had ended up on after the corrupted wormhole incident. Not-Shiro really hoped that this planet didn’t have those lizard-like creatures that had attacked him. 

The Lions were all gathered in a semicircle, with Black in the middle in and Red and Blue to her right and Green and Yellow to her left. Black’s head remained lower after she let them out, only closing her jaw. Allura stood in front of Black and seemed to consider her, looking very small against Black’s massive size. Allura seemed to know what to do, and she turned to not-Shiro.

“I need you to just stand here throughout this. Once I transfer Shiro into your body, you may feel faint, and you both will have to take a moment to adjust to each other’s memories, but it should not hurt otherwise. Are you ready?” 

Not-Shiro nodded. He just had to stand here, that was easy enough. “I’m ready,” he verbally confirmed. 

Allura looked at him for a moment, and then nodded. “Very well. I will begin the process now.”

With that, she strode the last few steps over to the Black Lion and placed her hand carefully on its muzzle. She closed her eyes and focused, and then suddenly the seams of Black began to glow a bright purple. The purple light flowed towards Black’s face, and muzzle, and then to Allura’s hand. Soon she too was glowing purple.

She turned around, and her eyes opened, and not-Shiro could see even from a slight distance that they were glowing violet, something that became more and more obvious as she walked confidently over to him until she stood right before him. 

She carefully cupped her hands around his face and closed her eyes, and not-Shiro instinctively followed suit. At first, not-Shiro felt nothing, but then it was as if the dams had burst.

Information and feelings came tumbling in, mixing with what was already there. At first, it was easy for not-Shiro to be able to tell that the strong feeling of loneliness from the astral plane was of Shiro, and the grief of the cradling his younger brother in his arms with the knowledge that he had kill him was his, but then it no longer mattered. 

Their minds flowed together the water, leaving almost no gaps between them. There were a few air bubbles, for things that not-Shiro and Shiro had different memories about, but they were easily ignored. Not-Shiro was no longer not-Shiro, though Shiro wasn’t completely Shiro anymore. It was weird, and confusing, but they were just one now.

Shiro opened his eyes, and smiled at the team. “It worked.”

And then the feelings caught up to him, the loneliness, the grief, the guilt, the fear, as well as the faint feeling that Allura had predicted, and Shiro passed out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said, I think I probably will be able to get the next chapter up later today, though I'm not going to promise that. Thank you for reading, and a special thanks to everyone who leaves kudos/comments, you guys are amazing!
> 
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello once again. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, so I hope you all enjoy!  
> As always, not proof-read, so sorry about any mistakes.

Surprisingly it didn’t actually take Shiro very long to adjust. When he woke up, there were several hours where everything was extremely confusing, half of his mind wasn’t used to having an actual physical body, and the other half was overcome with the crushing loneliness he had experienced in the astral plane. He was also consumed with guilt, for killing Keith, for almost killing him a second time, and for forcing the other half to experience their emotions and bear their memories. It was hard to tell who was who, and even trying made everything all that more confusing. So Shiro stopped trying, and began to simply exist in the physical universe again.

Once he did this, it was almost as if everything was back to normal again. Or at least, as normal as things could be with the Castle of Lions now being destroyed, Pidge still being suspicious of him, getting to know another Altean, a race which was supposed to be dead save for Coran and Allura, a teleporting wolf, Keith’s galran mother, and Keith in a healing pod. So maybe not normal. But as close as it could be considering the circumstances.

They were currently still on the barren planet/asteroid thing. They had decided that they would spend the next few quintents there as they waited for Keith to heal and Shiro and Allura to rest up. Apparently shortly after Shiro had passed out, Allura had collapsed as well out of exhaustion, the battle in the quintessence field and then transfer of Shiro’s spirit had really taken a toll on her body. Shiro felt bad about that, being at least in part responsible for it all, but Allura had merely waved off his apologizes when he tried.

“It is just good to have you back.” Was all she said. Shiro felt a flash of hurt somewhere in his mind, after all, part of his new mind  _ had _ been here, but he understood what she meant. He was glad to be back too, he had not been doing very good in the astral plane.

Shiro was physically fine, but he got tired a lot faster than he had before the mind molding.

“That’s to be expected, Number One,” Coran had told him rather distractedly as he tried to catch one of the mice when they fell off the cot while they had been putting on a show for Coran and Shiro as they talked. The mouse squeaked thankfully, and scattered back to the others to continue on with the show. “All it is is that you are getting used to having two separate minds become one, which is an exhausting process if I am not mistaken. Why, I remember one race, the hudians I believe, they would perform this ceremony that did somewhat of the same thing…”

It was nice to hear Coran ramble out his stories for more than one reason, Shiro had missed it in the astral plane and it also showed that Coran was still going to treat him the same even after learning what he (the clone? Haggar?) had done to Keith. It also showed that Shiro was the same in a clone body as he had been in his own real body.

Shiro was still somewhat adjusting to his new body. It felt almost the exact same as his old one, but after his year in the astral plane as well as his galran arm now covering his shoulder often could throw him off balance. He really wanted to be rid of the arm entirely, he didn’t trust it not to control him again, but as he still had to use both arms, he just had to settle for relying on Pidge’s arm band. 

Speaking of Pidge, Shiro was nearly certain she had been avoiding him. Unlike Hunk and Lance, who had both come up to him on separate occasions to welcome him back, even if Hunk had been a little nervous about it. 

“It’s good to have you back, Shiro,” Lance had said shortly after Shiro had woken up, Lance giving Shiro a smile and clap on his back. That was all Lance had had to do for Shiro to be confident that nothing had changed between them.

Hunk had brought along some food that he had made Shiro, and had rambled considerably more than Lance.

“I’m glad you are back, Shiro. The other you was a little mean sometimes,” Hunk had said, then seemed to remember that that Shiro was still part of Shiro, stumbling over his next words as he rushed to get them out, “I mean, not that he was  _ bad _ or anything. It was just different, you know? He was a good leader, though he did sort of ignore us a lot of the time, which wasn’t very cool, but over all he kept us out of trouble, for the most part of course. Not that it is exactly possible to keep out of trouble in the middle of a war, you know.”

Shiro gave a smile at Hunk, he had missed the other paladin. Hunk seemed to relax at this smile, as well as suddenly remember what he was holding in his hands, and quickly thrust the food out to Shiro. “Here, I made you some of that sort of sushi-tasting food you had liked from that one planet, I figured it’s probably been a while since you’ve had some good food, or really any food at all-- or did you eat in the astral plane? What would you even eat there? Was there-” Shiro gently placed his human hand on the Yellow Paladin’s shoulder, causing him to stop rambling. 

Shiro offered Hunk a smile as he accepted the gift. “Thanks Hunk.”

Hunk offered him a brilliant grin in return.

However, the Yellow and Red Paladin had accepted him again, the Green Paladin was most definitely avoiding him, Shiro concluded on the fourth quintent since the battle and he still had yet to see the youngest paladin since Allura rescued him from the Black Lion. Shiro knew she was keeping busy, the others had told him how she was trying to get into contact with the rebel fighters, the Blade of Marmora, and even Earth, but for some reason she was having difficulty doing so. It wasn’t uncommon for Pidge to hole herself up in one place for a long period of time when she got really involved in a project, but Shiro knew that the others had seen her around, and that she had been in to visit Keith many times, though Shiro had no idea how she did so without him ever noticing.

Shiro quickly came to the conclusion that she was avoiding him. She had made it no secret that she did not trust him, even if she did listen to him in battle. Part of Shiro wanted to respect her boundaries and just give her time, or maybe even just accept the fact that she didn’t trust him anymore, but he knew that leaving it be wouldn’t be good for anyone. 

This was how Shiro found himself staring up at the Green Lion. Shiro had never really thought of the Green Lion as being giant-- compared to her sisters, especially Black, Green was actually pretty small. However, in this moment, Green seemed impossibly tall, looming over Shiro.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe he should just let Pidge come to him. It’s not as if he could even get inside Green to go talk to Pidge anyways, not without Pidge’s permission. This was a terrible idea. Shiro turned to leave, only to feel someone crash into him.

Instinctively, he reached his arms out to steady the person, and it took him a moment to realize that it had been just the paladin he had been looking for.

Pidge scowled, her eyes squinting as she looked up from her tablet, which had apparently been the reason she had crashed into Shiro in the first place, opening her mouth as if to tell someone off for being in her way, only to freeze when she saw who it was.

“Shiro?” She questioned as several emotions flickered across her face, confusion, distrust, anger, curiosity, until her face settled on a neutral expression. “What are you doing here?” She asked warily.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

At these words, Pidge went stiff, her expression becoming a guarded glare. “About what?” she demanded sharply.

“I-” Shiro cut himself off when he realized he didn’t know what he wanted to say or how to phrase it.  _ I want to know why you don’t trust me? _ Shiro knew the answer to that.  _ I want you to know that I don’t trust me either? _ Not exactly reassuring.  _ You have to trust me? _ Trust didn’t work like that.  _ I’m sorry? _ Too general. 

Pidge huffed, crossing her arms, tablet hugged to her chest. “Is this about how I’ve been avoiding you? Because I’m not planning on stopping.”

The words cut Shiro like knives, and he hung his head and knew he deserved them. “Okay,” was all he could say. 

Pidge huffed again, but then a moment later she dropped her arms, slapping her leg slightly with the hand without the tablet clutched in it. She let out a sigh, and when she spoke again, her voice was soft. “No, it’s not. I know it’s not okay. It just isn’t. I know I’m not being fair, and I know I’m being petty, but-but--” Pidge sounded so vulnerable, and when Shiro looked up, he saw tears glistening in her eyes.

“I thought I lost my brother again.” 

Shiro felt a lump well up in his throat, he remembered the devastated look on her face when she had told him about finding her brother’s grave, how the idea that her brother could have died for real before she had found him haunted her even after she had brought him back. 

Learning that Keith was dead must have been like she was back in the graveyard, helpless to do anything to save her brother. In their time in space the paladins had become family, and Shiro knew that after himself, Pidge was probably the next closest person to Keith.

Instinctively, Shiro dropped to his knees and held out his arms, and to his relief, Pidge rushed into them, sinking to her own knees as she sobbed into Shiro’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Everytime I looked at you I was reminded that he was gone. That he had been gone. I’m so sorry.” Pidge’s words were choked and broken up by sobs, by Shiro understood her just fine.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he reassured Pidge softly, hugging the girl tightly to his chest, suddenly remember just how  _ young _ she was to be in the middle of a war. “It’s okay Pidge.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you enjoyed this chapter!  
> This chapter was going to be longer, but I decided that I like the idea of stopping it after Pidge. I hope that I will be able to get the next chapter up fairly soon, though I can make no promises on when that will be.  
> Thank you to all of you for reading, and a special thanks for everyone who leaves a comment/kudos, you guys are amazing!
> 
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone! I'm not sure about this chapter, I feel like it went over a lot better in my head, but I tried. I still had quiet a bit of fun writing it too. It is not-proofread, just like all the other chapters, so sorry about any mistakes.  
> Hope you enjoy!

Pidge stopped avoiding Shiro after that, and Shiro was relieved. There had been a little while when he didn’t think that Pidge would ever trust him again, but it seemed to be an empty fear. If anything now, she was seeking him out, constantly showing up where ever Shiro was and setting up her tech there, still trying to get a signal.

“It’s weird,” she had explained to Shiro once, “For the rebels and the Blades, it’s almost as if they have changed all of their frequencies, which they do do often enough to hide from the galra, but they usually  _ tell _ us before doing so so that we can still contact them. But now there’s nothing.” 

“What about Earth? You’ve been trying to contact them as well, right?”

Pidge’s frown deepen. “Yeah. I’ve tried everything, but nothing is getting through. It  _ could  _ be that we are too far away for the signal to reach Earth, but-” she cut herself off, but Shiro finished for her.

“You don’t think that that is the problem.”

Pidge nodded. “It’s almost as if there is something blocking the signal completely. Like all of Earth’s communications have been cut off. But that wouldn’t make any sense.” She chewed on her lip as she thought. “Of course, it would all be easier if I didn’t have to mask our own signal so that the galra don’t pick it up, but that obviously isn’t the answer…” she trailed off and her eyes focused once again on her screen, and Shiro knew in that moment she was no longer paying him any attention, fully absorbed in her own work.

Shiro turned to his own tablet, absentmindedly scrolling through the information featured on it. He already had it all practically memorized, he had been through it countless times already in the time that they had been here, even had the changes memorized at this point and could predict when they would change again. Shiro knew it probably was unhealthy to be obsessing over the information this much, but he had to. He had to know that his brother was alive, that he was getting better.

Shiro glanced over to the healing pod laying next to him-- or rather the person laying inside.

Keith looked better-- his scar had faded from an angry red into a lighter pink, though it still stood out painfully against Keith’s pale skin and Shiro couldn’t help but wince in guilt whenever he laid eyes on it. It had been him, or his body at least, that had done this to Keith. Keith’s chest wound was much the same, though it looked slightly better. Shiro supposed the healing pod and the quintessence had both focused more on the life threatening wound than the others.

It made sense, but everytime Shiro looked at Keith’s face, he selfishly wished he didn’t have to be reminded of what his body did. 

Everyone came in at varying times to visit Keith, even Romelle had been in there quite often. He still couldn’t remember where she had come from, and when he asked her, she had shuttered and explained.

“...Keith and his mother saved me. Now it is my hope that we can save the others,” she finished, leaving Shiro with chills running down his spine. He had had no idea that Lotor had been that  _ bad _ . It was greatly disturbing, Shiro hadn’t necessarily trusted Lotor at first, but he had always had a voice whispering in his head that he should, that he needed to help Lotor, that Lotor was good. 

Shiro blinked. He realized that many of those thoughts hadn’t really seemed like  _ his  _ thoughts, looking back on it. He wasn’t the kind of person to blindly trust someone who could so easily harm his team. He glanced at his arm, the galran one, and was overcome with a feeling of dread.  _ Haggar. _

How long had she been influencing him? Planting little thoughts into his head, getting him to help Lotor… The headaches. Everything made sense in a sick way. He had gotten them ever since the fight with Zarkon, when he was no longer himself but a clone. A clone created by Haggar-- she was the only one with the power to do anything like this. Shiro felt sick. How much of what he had done in these long months that weren’t his own actions, but rather Haggar’s influence.

Suddenly the walls of the Black Lion were closing in on him, he was  _ standing in a tube slowly filling with a purple liquid soon it would cover his head and suddenly it did and he couldn’t breath, could keep his eyes open, couldn’t do anything but hear the poisonous voices of his captors, the words  _ Project Kuron _ grating across his ears was the last thing he knew before the liquid consumed him whole… _

Shiro jolted out of his flashback with a jerk, breath catching in his throat. Romelle sent him a concerned look.

“Are you alright?”

Shiro jerkly nodded, standing up, because he had to get out, had to get out before the walls closed in on him, before he was drowning again. He staggered out of the Black Lion, feeling the confused and concerned eyes of the Altean burning into his back, but she didn’t ask anything else, and he didn’t provide any answers.

The moment he stepped out of the Black Lion, Shiro felt tension leave his shoulders and he could breathe again. He walked over to the Black Lion’s forepaw, sliding down to a sitting position with his back resting against the cold metal. With a sigh, he let his head drop back and took in the stars. 

It was strange, even so far out here, the stars looked so much like those that could be seen from Earth, though they were in different positions and had different brightnesses. Also, there were so many  _ more  _ of them. Even on the nights that he and Keith had spent at Keith’s desert shack that were spent stargazing, where there was very little light pollution and other pollution preventing him from seeing the stars, he had never seen this many stars before he left Earth. He wasn’t sure if the sight struck wonder in his heart, or if the sight sickened him to his core.

On one hand, the stars were beautiful, nothing could change that. 

But on the other, the sight of so many strange stars was a reminder of just how  _ far _ they were from home, how long they had been gone, and how much they had gone through to get to this point. 

Shiro had been kidnapped by the Galra, totured, had his arm cut off, and was forced to fight in an arena for the aliens’ sick entertainment, forced to  _ kill _ in the arena. He didn’t know how many innocent aliens he had killed. 

Shiro had to endure a year of that before he was able to escape back to Earth with some help. He only was able to spend a night back home though, in that time being captured by the Garrison before being rescued by his little brother and three other cadets he hadn’t known at the time, before they were all launched into space to fight a war.

Shiro squeezed his eyes shut, letting the memories flash across his awareness, but never focusing on them. If he focused on them they would suck him in like a whirlpool, swirling around him until they drowned him in their depths. 

Fighting Sendak, forming Voltron for the first time, the food fight, getting closer with the team, learning that Pidge was Katie, late nights spent up laughing, the mission to the Blade of Marmora base where it was discovered that Keith was galran, Allura’s mistrust, so much fighting, the fight with Zarkon, escaping the galra again, Keith promising to save him as many times as it took, Black’s mistrust, Keith leaving to train with the blades, Pidge finding her brother, Lotor befriending them, Shiro helping Lotor, Lotor killing Zarkon, Pidge finding her father, fighting, there was always fighting, Keith coming back two years older with his mother, Keith pressed beneath him, struggling to keep his knife up, Shiro’s blade stabbing forward, right toward Keith’s heart, Keith’s last words, Keith’s last breath. How Keith’s fiery eyes were now blank and unseeing, glazed over, it was so wrong, all of it was so  _ wrong. _

Shiro was snapped out of his thoughts when he felt more than heard the warm body slid down next to him, hand reaching out to grab his shoulder. Shiro sucked in a sharp breath and blinked at the new figure, eyes taking a moment to focus. He blinked again when the figure came into focus, of everyone, she had been the one he least expected.

Her eyes took in Shiro’s face, seeming to be thinking, head tilted to the side in a way Shiro had seen Keith do before. He blinked once more, and she seemed to decide on something, drawing her hand off of Shiro’s shoulder.

Shiro expected her to leave, but apparently she had no such plans, turning and leaning back on Black, within arm’s reach of Shiro. She looked up at the sky, mirroring the position Shiro had held earlier, and Shiro did the same.

She didn’t ask if he was okay, which was something he appreciated. She just sat in silence for a moment, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, strangely enough. However, the silence didn’t last long when she spoke.

“When Keith first found out that I was his mother, he was mad,” she started suddenly, causing Shiro to look over at her, though she kept her eyes firmly on the stars.

“I thought I understood. Even though it hurt, I understood. I would me mad too if my mother abandoned me as a baby, leaving me and my father alone,” she continued, never looking at Shiro. 

“I didn’t understand,” she whispered, and Shiro could almost make out tears glimmering in Krolia’s eyes. Shiro wanted to give her a hug, but worried that she might not appreciate it. If she was anything like Keith, she probably wasn’t the most touchy-feely kind of galran.

“I pushed forward with the mission. Keith wanted to talk, even just for a little bit, but I put the mission before him. I’ve always put the mission before him,” She sounded so sad when she said that. “It was all I had ever been taught to do. I wasn’t cut out to be a mother. I left him when he was nothing but an infant. I told myself I left to protect him and his father, to lead the Galra away from Earth, but it wasn’t all just for them. It was for the mission. I couldn’t let the Galra have the Blue Lion. It broke my heart to leave, but I had to. Or at least that was what I always told myself. It was the only way to keep them safe.” She closed her eyes and heaved a sigh, before turning to Shiro and looking him in the eyes, her own eyes wet with emotion, though her voice didn’t waver.

“I have to wonder if it was though. If there wasn’t some other way to lead the Galra away. I never tried to look for one. I think I was too scared too,” she admitted, making Shiro swallow. He didn’t know what to say, should he say something?

“I was scared of becoming a mother. I was afraid that I would do it all wrong. I didn’t exactly have the best role model for that anyways,” her eyes were dark with anger when she said those words. Shiro wondered who her mother had been, and what she had been like, but didn’t pry. Family could be a sensitive subject.

“I thought that he would be better off without me. I thought his father and Keith would be happy. I thought that Keith would be okay without me.” Her eyes darken again, thought Shiro couldn’t name the emotion. “I was wrong. I was foolish. I should have known that it wouldn’t be perfect. I’ve been through this before, I should have known better. And yet, I hoped foolishly that everything would be fine.”

She turned her eyes back to the sky. “I never thought that Keith’s father might die. Not for a moment. It hadn’t even crossed my mind as a possibility. It’s funny how fate likes to play with us,” she told the stars, and Shiro couldn’t agree more.

Sharply, Krolia’s head turned to Shiro, startling him slightly when her yellow-purple eyes abruptly landed on him. “You planet’s foster system is a horrid thing.”

Shiro blinked, and then ducked his head. “I know…”

Her gaze didn’t leave him as she began speaking again. “He never told me what happened during his time in it, but I saw it. The place where we lived for the last two of your Earth years messed with time, and it often would send us into one another’s memories. I know that I didn’t even see half of what Keith went through in that system, but I saw enough to want to kill several people back on Earth.”

Shiro knew that Keith had not had a good life in the foster system, but Keith never told him everything that had happened, and Shiro never pried. He just knew that not all the scars littering Keith’s torso were from the war.

“But you saved him,” Krolia’s voice was soft, and Shiro almost missed what she said. He started, and almost had himself convinced he had heard her wrong, but then she repeated herself, slightly louder. “You saved my son. In more ways than one too. He himself told me so after I saw you in a memory and asked him who you were. It was the first time I heard him ever speak freely about something.

“You were a bright spot in his dark life. You taught him that he mattered, that he had potential, that he could do anything he put his mind to, that he could become something. You gave him something that he hadn’t had for a very long time-- a family. Thank you.”

Shiro felt a lump in his throat rise, and tears filled his eyes, though for once they were an almost-happy breed of tears. Krolia was looking at him, and her eyes spoke of honesty, which made Shiro wipe away his tears even faster.

To his shock, he suddenly found himself embraced by two furry but strong arms. He would have moved to return the hug, had he not been so surprised and had the embrace lasted longer. As it was, it was a quick hug, even faster than the first time Keith had hugged him.

Realizing Krolia was still looking at him and that he should say something, Shiro croaked out a few words. “Thank you.”

Krolia gave him a small smile, looking so much like Keith for a moment that it hurt, and shook her head. “You looked like you could use a distraction, and I still had yet to properly thank you. So I figured why not, what was the Earth saying? Kill two rabbits with one rock?”

Shiro had to smile at the attempt at the idiom. “Kill two birds with one stone,” he corrected gently.

Krolia returned the smile. “Ah yes, I believe that was the one.”

Before either of them could say anything more, Lance came racing out of the Black Lion, where he must have gone in at some point between Shiro’s panic attack and now, wearing a bright and excited grin.

He only stopped and panted out a few words before darting off to the Green Lion, but they were enough to cause Shiro and Krolia to share a look before they were racing up the Black Lion’s ramp.

All the way Lance’s words echoed in Shiro’s head. 

“Keith’s waking up!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that it was alright! Krolia's character was pretty hard for me to write, I don't really have a very good grasp on her character, especially the side I tried to feature in this chapter-- the mother. In all my other chapters she's been a solider who has experienced death enough to not let it sink in until after a mission, so that is why she didn't seem incredibly effected when she learned that he son was dead. Because as close as she has now grown to Keith, and how good of a mother she has become, she was always, always a solider before she was a mother. I also gave, or rather didn't give, her a very good example of a mother because I feel like that is something that shaped her to be the way she was, just as Keith's lack of a mother shaped him. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope I did alright with Krolia, as well as Romelle to another degree, I'm not incredibly familiar with her character either yet.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and a special thanks to all of you who have commented/left a kudos. You guys are awesome!
> 
> Hopefully I'll have the next chapter out tomorrow, though it's probably going to be at least Thursday before I can get it up.
> 
>  
> 
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry that this chapter is slightly shorter than I wanted it to be, I was planning for it to be longer, but it was either this or not upload until at least Thursday, so I decided to go with it. I hope you enjoy!  
> (not proof-read, so sorry about any mistakes)

There was very little space in the Black Lion to move around when everyone was in there, occupying as many surfaces as possible. Shiro felt his breath catch slightly as he imagined the  _ walls pressing in on him again _ , but then quickly managed to shake away those thoughts.  _ Keith _ , he was in here for  _ Keith. _ Keith who was going to wake up soon.

Lance, perched on a crate that was taller than Pidge, scrunched up his nose as he tried to see over Coran’s shoulder, even though Shiro knew he wouldn’t be able to understand what Coran was typing and reading on the tablet any better than Shiro could. Which was not very good. 

“Sooo, when is he waking up?” Lance dragged out after a long period of silence, a hint of excitement mixing with a taste of worry in his voice. It seemed everyone else was too worried to speak. When Coran had been evaluating Keith for the first time, he had said something about taking in so much quintessence in such a weakened state wasn’t very good for the mind nor body, or at least as far as history has shown. 

Coran hadn’t gone into detail about that, but everyone knew what he was talking about, Haggar and Zarkon. They had both gone mad, and were corrupted by the quintessence, even if it had healed them. Shiro had shuttered briefly at the thought of Keith going mad, but had quickly pushed the thought aside in his mind in favor of the fact that Keith was  _ alive. _ The others had too.

However, sitting around and doing nothing but wait for Keith to wake, it finally hit Shiro that the Keith that woke may not even be  _ their  _ Keith. It might be a monster. 

Shiro felt sickened at the thought, and tried to push it aside, but it didn’t leave. What if Keith started fighting them? Shiro didn’t think that he could handle fighting Keith again,  _ the feeling of his weight pushing down on his sword, bringing the weakening hand holding the knife lower and lower... _

He couldn’t fight Keith again. No matter what, he wouldn’t fight his brother again, even if it was just a monster in the shell of his brother.

Maybe it was a terrible decision, it definitely was a selfish one. But Shiro would rather die than hurt his brother again.

What if when Keith woke, he didn’t remember them? Shiro wasn’t sure how the quintessence would effect memories, but being dead probably didn’t exactly prevent memory loss, Shiro knew from first hand experience. But Keith hadn’t been in the astral plane, would that make him remember more, or less?

What if the Keith that woke up didn’t trust them? What if he remembered them, but the quintessence warped his perception somehow, causing him to mistrust them?

Shiro’s breath caught in his throat when he realized that that even if the quintessences hadn’t poisoned Keith, he probably wouldn’t trust Shiro anyways. After all, the last time he had seen Shiro they were fighting, and Shiro, he had…

_Shiro’s Galran arm kept glowing and grew the sword he had been fighting with earlier, momentum driving right toward Keith’s unprotected chest._ _There was nothing that anyone could do and within a split second, his sword was through his little brother’s chest and sticking out of the back. Keith’s eyes looked at the sword first, and them looked at Shiro, who, to his horror, realized his brother’s eyes were already going glassy. Shiro saw more than Keith let out a fragile “Shiro” and then he was falling._

He had  _ killed _ Keith.

He had to get out of here, what was he thinking, why would Keith want to see  _ him _ right after he woke up? Why would Keith want to see the face of his  _ murderer _ ?

However, before he could get up from his place on a cot at the foot Keith’s healing pod, Hunk’s nervous voice gave him pause.

“Coran, Keith isn’t, the quintessence, did it? is he?” Hunk seemed to realize his words weren’t making any sense, and took a deep breath to regain his composure. When he spoke next, his words came out in a rush. “Do you really think that Keith was corrupted by the quintessence? That when he wakes up, Keith won’t be Keith?”

It appeared that Shiro hadn’t been the only one thinking about that. And even if they hadn’t been thinking about it before, everyone certainly was now. They all waited with bated breath, eager to hear Coran’s disagreement, but afraid that that wasn’t what they were going to hear.

Coran finally looked up from his tablet, and his expression was uncertain. Shiro felt his heart drop, that look on Coran could not mean anything good. 

“It is still hard to say for sure, Number Two. His quintessence levels on his readings look good, but…” Coran didn’t seem to be able to finish, and looked to Allura for help.

She began with a sigh, shifting slightly on her crate. “It is impossible to say until Keith wakes up. Quintessence levels often fluctuates naturally, but the cryo-pod regulates quintessence to keep it at an ideal level so that the person heals as quickly as possible.”

There was silence again, and Coran went back to reading his tablet. Everyone else was sharing troubled looks.

“Hey, it’s Keith. He fights literally everything he can, quintessence poisoning isn’t going to be able to take him out,” Lance said in what was meant to be a reassuring and joking manner, but it fell flat, and everyone was reduced to silence yet again.

That is, until a few seconds later, Coran cried out in joy, “He’s waking up!”

Everyone immediately shot to their feet, Lance, Pidge, and Romelle all landing with thumps as they jumped off their respective crates. It seemed that excitement for their teammate to finally be awake pushed aside any fear of what said teammate would be like after waking.

Shiro stood back as everyone crowded around the healing pod, Pidge shoving her way to be at Keith’s head to his right, with Lance grumbling and rubbing his side where a bruise was already forming from Pidge’s sharp elbows, but took his place just below Pidge without complaint. Hunk took watch on the opposite side of Keith, the Alteans standing next to him, with Allura being the closest to Hunk and Romelle being by Keith’s feet. Krolia stood at Keith’s head, watching over him with concern and motherly love that was obvious even to Shiro. Shiro didn’t know why she had thought she would be such a terrible mother, it seemed it was in her nature. The space wolf was also there, standing by Krolia’s side.

No one noticed when Shiro didn’t step up to the obviously empty spot next to Lance. Instead he stood back and watched, knowing it was too late now for him to leave, evident by the countdown Coran had began.

“5, 4, 3, 2,” everyone anxiously awaited the next number as Coran counted down. “1.”

Right on cue, the healing pod opened and for the first time in nearly six days, Keith opened his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really honestly thought I was going to have Keith actually awake in this chapter, but I didn't really get to that part. I had quite a bit of fun writing this chapter, and I hope you enjoyed!  
> Thank you for reading and a special thanks to everyone who has commented/left kudos, you guys are amazing!  
> It may be a couple more days before I can get the next chapter up, but I'll try and get it up asap.
> 
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry for the slight delay in getting this chapter out, this week ended up being a lot crazier than expected with everything. I hope that this chapter is alright, I was really tired while writing it, so I don't know how much of it makes sense.   
> Not proof-read, as per usual.
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy!

Shiro couldn’t express how happy he was to see Keith’s eyes again, no longer glazed over and staring lifelessly. Now they were just confused and blinking slowly.

“Pidge?” Keith asked, voice hoarse. His eyes darted to the others, “Mom? Lance? Hunk? What’s going on?”

Instead of answering Keith, Lance let out a whoop. “Keith’s back!”

Pidge ducked down and buried her face in Keith’s shoulder. She muttered something that Shiro couldn’t make out, but caused Keith to awkwardly pat her shoulder. 

Hunk was crying, as was Coran, and Shiro believed he saw some tears gathering behind Allura’s found smile. Romelle was jumping up and down, very excited. Krolia was smiling gently down at Keith, and Shiro could definitely see a tell-tale scheen of tears in her yellow eyes.

“Mom? What’s going on?” Keith asked again, but before Krolia could respond, Keith’s eyes searched the group quickly, eyebrows furrowing as he appeared to look for someone. “Where’s Shiro?”

Everyone’s gaze suddenly snapped to Shiro, realizing he wasn’t standing near Keith. Lance quickly remedied that, hand gently grabbing Shiro’s arm and dragging him to stand beside him near Keith, muttering something in spanish underneath his breath that Shiro couldn’t understand.

The moment Keith’s eyes landed on Shiro, he visibly relaxed, which also caused Shiro to relax as well. It did not appear that Keith was angry at him. 

_ What if it is because he doesn’t remember what happened at the facility? Would he trust Shiro after he knew? Why would he?  _ Shiro couldn’t stop these thought from running around in his brain, even as Keith smiled at him.

Shiro tried weakly to return the smile, but Keith’s next words left him wanting to cry. 

“You came back,” the words were spoken softly, but everyone heard them. “You came home.”

_ So Keith did remember the facility. Why was he trusting Shiro then? _ Regardless of this train of thought, Shiro knew he should say  _ something _ , but all words seemed to be blocked by the lump that had formed in his throat. Luckily though, it didn’t seem like Keith was done speaking.

“I knew you would. You always come back.” The words were honest and open, and Shiro was taken back for a moment, Keith was rarely open in front of people, especially a crowd. However, Shiro realized the reasons for Keith’s openness when he saw Keith’s eyes blink sluggishly. Keith must have been exhausted. 

The cryo pods were good for many things, but a good-night’s sleep is not one of them. Krolia seemed to realize how tired Keith was as well, and began rubbing a spot near Keith’s temple gently. This action seemed to relax Keith even more, and his eyes drooped further. Shiro could see Keith struggling to stay awake, which caused Shiro to give an amused smile.

“Keith,” Keith struggled to look at Shiro, blinking slowly. Shiro gave him a smile. “Sleep. It’s okay.”

For a moment Keith looked like he was going to argue, but then his eyes slide closed as his mother rubbed his head and within a few seconds, he was breathing evenly. Shiro was a little surprised with how easy it had been to get Keith to sleep, Shiro knew that even before coming to space nightmares haunted his sleep and it was difficult for Keith to get to sleep most nights. 

The others seemed to think the same thing, all having dealt with Keith’s insomnia on the nights the team decided to have a sleepover. Lance whistled lowly, careful to keep it quiet, and whispered, “I’ve never seen Keith go to sleep that easily. Even after a battle where everyone is exhausted, it seems to take him hours to fall asleep.”

Krolia smiled, still rubbing at the spot. Pidge turned to her, suspecting she had a part in it, a question clear in her eyes. Before she could even ask, Krolia spoke up.

“It’s this spot. All Galran cubs have it, when it is rubbed it gives their bodies the signal to relax and go to sleep. It seems as human as Keith looks, he still has the traits of any Galran cub.”

“ _ Cub _ ?” Lance whispered, sounding amused. He opened his mouth to say something more, but Shiro cut him off.

“Lance.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to do!” Lance complained, though he kept it quiet.

“Er, yeah we do. You were going to start making fun of Keith,” Pidge deadpanned, not even glancing up from the screen she had gotten on right after Keith had gone to sleep.

“You are pretty easy to read when it comes to Keith, buddy,” Hunk added, causing Lance to pout.

Krolia was watching all of this with a somewhat bemused expression, hand now just resting on Keith’s hair. Shiro noted that the Alteans had moved further away, starting their own conversation. Romelle had a lot of questions for Allura and Coran, and they had a lot of questions for her.

“What I am interested to know is, what age exactly do Galran’s reach maturity?” Pidge asked, setting her tablet down briefly and rubbing her chin, staring at Krolia.

Krolia frowned, seeming to do some thinking. “Galrans stop growing after around 40 of your Earth years, I believe. If that is what about 35 deca-phoebs is in Earth years.”

“I wonder how old that makes Keith,” Lance muttered, crying out more in surprise than pain (though there was still pain) when Pidge moved over to his side again to elbow him in the side. “Hey!”

“Keith’s still the same age, dummy. Age is just the length of time someone has been alive, he’s still 19- er, 21? 22? I still can’t believe that for Keith it's been two more years. When he wakes up, I’m going to ask him so many questions.” Pidge looked like she was already scheming about what questions to ask, and so Shiro decided to step in.

“Lance had a valid question though,” Shiro started, and he ignored the  _ thank you _ from Lance which was followed by another yelp of pain. “How close is Keith to reaching full maturity?”

“A lot closer than Lance.” Shiro tactilly ignored Pidge’s mutter.

“By Galran standards, he is still a cub, but by human standards he’s a young adult.”

“He still demonstrates most of the traits of young cubs,” Krolia said, though she frowned before continuing, “Especially after I got to know him for a while. It was almost as if he had been suppressing them.”

“What traits?” Lance asked, and Shiro could tell he was trying to recall if Keith had done anything that might be a characteristic of a Galran cub.

“Play fighting, calling out for his pack, this relaxing spot,” Krolia nodded to where she had been rubbing earlier. She seemed to consider something for a moment before speaking again. “Humans don’t purr, correct?” When Shiro nodded, confirming that humans do not, in fact, purr, she continued. “Purring-”

Lance interrupted her, sounding dangerously close to laughter. “Wait, Keith can  _ purr _ ?”

Hunk cooed. “Aw, man. Can you imagine just how cute that would be? I wonder why he’s never purred before.”

“He probably was repressing it. I mean, it’s not exactly  _ normal _ for a human to be purring.” Pidge paused and thought for a moment, and a lightbulb seemed to catch in her eyes. “Play fighting,” she whispered. Shiro immediately caught on to what she was implying.

“His discipline issues.”

“He was just playing.”

Lance snorted. “Dude, I don’t know what you two consider playing, but you should have seen Keith deck Griffin our first year. That was not playing.”

“No, that was just him defending himself in the only way he knew how.” Shiro may not have seen the fight, but he had heard Keith’s account of it and the things that Griffin said… Had it been any other cadet he said that too, it may have been fine, but with Keith...

“Also, what do you mean by Keith ‘calling out for his pack’?” Pidge asked as if Lance and Shiro had never spoke.

“Galran are a pack species, often sleeping in nests or at least near one another. When a cub is distress, especially in their sleep, they make noises to call out for their pack to let their pack know that they are distressed. It’s not on purpose, and they usually have no control over them.” Krolia frowned, “Though it appears Keith has figured out how to repress it somehow.”

Shiro suddenly remembered all the sleepovers that Keith and he had had at Keith’s shack, and how Keith sometimes would make little noises in his sleep. They would always go away when Shiro so much as laid his hand on Keith’s shoulder. They had been weird, but Shiro had never given them much thought.

“His human genes probably made that easier, right?” Hunk asked.

Krolia looked troubled. “Maybe, though it is unlikely. Half-galran cubs usually still have Galran instincts, and Keith is no different. I think it was just Keith repressing it.” a shadow crossed her face. “He must have learned to do so in some of his so-called  _ homes _ .” She spit the last word out like acid, and Shiro felt himself tensing.

Shiro knew about Keith’s past, but the rest of the team did not. Keith had never wanted to tell them, and even though Shiro always encouraged him to, Shiro didn’t want to push him into doing something like this. He knew that Keith would not appreciate it one bit if his history was told to the rest of the team while he was a sleep in front of him.

“Krolia…” Shiro began.

“What do you-” Pidge spoke at the same time.

However, neither of them could get any further than that before they were interrupted. Shiro would be grateful, if not for what exactly the interruption was.

Keith had shot up, eyes still closed, making everyone jump even the Alteans, who were still keeping an eye on Keith from across the room, Hunk letting out a small shriek. Lance hit his elbow on a crate, and clutched it to his chest.

“Quiznak Keith!” Lance exclaimed, “Warn a man next time, why don’t you?”

Keith gave no answer, instead just sat there, eyes still closed, expression still. Shiro had the sense that something was very wrong.

“Keith?” Pidge asked, getting closer.

“Buddy? Are you okay?” Hunk asked, taking a step forward as well.

Still no answer.

“Keith? Are you alright?”

“Number Four?”

“Keith?”

Keith didn’t react to any of the Alteans.

“Keith?” Krolia asked cautiously, hand posed in an awkward position, looking like she wanted to reach out to comfort Keith, but not sure if she should touch him. Keith didn’t react to her voice.

“Keith? Are you okay?”

There was a long moment of complete stillness, no one daring to move. They Keith was the first to shift.

He opened his eyes, and Shiro could only see gold as they stared blankly ahead. That was when Keith opened his mouth and let out an ear-piercing scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if that wasn't my best chapter, but I hope you enjoyed regardless.  
> I totally think that Keith would have Galran traits that he has just learned to repress because he was always told it was weird and would get in trouble for them. I sort of just made up years for the Galran vs Human maturity, I didn't want them to be too drastic a change because that would mean that Keith was really really young by Galran standards. You may be wondering why Krolia isn't very effected by Keith's age, or really any of the paladins, and I think I probably will address that in an upcoming chapter.   
> I'm not really sure when I'll be able to get the next chapter up, but I'll get it up as soon as I can.  
> Thank you for reading, and a special thanks to all those who comment/leave kudos, you guys are the best!
> 
>  
> 
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I actually sorta like this chapter, and I had a lot of fun writing it, especially the last part. Just as with all the others, it is not proof-read, so sorry about any mistakes.  
> I hope you enjoy!

The scream was the worst thing that Shiro had ever heard. It spoke of pure agony, though Keith’s face with glowing golden eyes remained neutral. Somehow that made hearing his little brother scream out like that so much worse.

“What’s going on?” Lance cried out, hands tight over his ears. Shiro didn’t blame him, the shrieking was terrible, and had Shiro not felt a sense of responsibility to bear the screaming as a sort of punishment, he likely would be doing the same thing.

“His quintessence levels are spiking!” Allura shouted. This caused Coran remove his hands from his pointed ears to quickly grab a scanner and scan Keith.

He gasped when he saw the results. “They are off the carts! I’ve never seen quintessence levels this high!”

“What does that mean? Is Keith going to be okay? Is he going to turn evil?” Hunk fretted, hands clamped to the sides of his head.

“Our biggest problem right now is not about Keith turning evil. Even Zarkon did not have these readings…” Coran seemed to say the last part to himself, and Shiro could only just make out the words.

Pidge seemed to somehow understand Coran as well, despite her hands being clasped over her ears just as tightly as Hunk and Lance. “What do you mean even Zarkon didn’t have these readings?! Why are we not concerned about Keith becoming corrupted?”

Keith’s voice seemed to be getting more and more hoarse, but the screaming only paused when he had to suck in a breath.

Coran looked tired all of a sudden. “Because when quintessence levels are this high, there is a threat more intimate than that of corruption,” his voice was grave when he spoke.

Krolia seemed to understand first. “No!” she yelled, making Shiro jump slightly because she didn’t seem the type to lose control like that. “I am not losing my son again!” She turned to Coran, eyes begging. “Please tell me there is something that we can do to save him.”

All of a sudden, Keith’s screaming became ten times worse. It no longer was just that he was in pain, he was going to  _ die. _ Again.

_ And yet again, it will all be your fault. _ Shiro couldn’t even argue with the voice that whispered to him.

Coran shrugged helplessly. “I apologize, but-” he was cut off by Pidge.

“No! No apologies, no buts. We are going to save Keith. I’m not going to lose my brother again,” there was a fire in her eye, the same one she had had whenever she had been searching for Matt and her dad, and just like back then, it was accompanied with a tinge of fear.

“No way that Mullet’s coming back from the dead just to die again.” There was a very strong waver in Lance’s voice that could be heard as he made himself speak loud enough to be heard over the screaming.

Shiro could see the fear in everyone else’s faces, even Krolia’s, and knew that he should speak up, comfort them, like a good leader would, but Shiro couldn’t move or speak. He couldn’t lose Keith again. He already had lost his brother way to many times.

There was a moment where no one spoke, and there was no noise other than Keith’s screaming, which was growing fainter as his voice weakened.

“Is there any way that, I dunno, the lions could maybe help? They are like connected to us by our quintessence, right? Is there any way that they could somehow regulate it or something?” Hunk asked cautiously, ready to be turned down at any moment.

Pidge frowned thoughtfully. Coran rubbed his chin. Allura tilted her chin, hands letting go of her ears as she did so.

“It-it could be possible,” Allura started after a moment of silence. “This has never happened before, but maybe. I give no guarantees, but…”

“It’s the best shot we’ve got,” Shiro finished for her, finally finding his voice.

“Yes,” Allura confirmed. “Shiro, could you ask Black?”

“Of course.”

Shiro closed his eyes, reacting for the bond he and Black shared and quickly found it, which he was relieved about, apparently even though he had combined with his clone, the bond with Black was still there. He realized with a start that he hadn’t even tried since he got out of the astral plane.

Speaking of the astral plane…

Shiro opened his eyes and was met by a very familiar sight. Endless blackness dotted with stars here and there.

Shiro had to swallow back the feelings of loneliness, of fear, of being trapped. This was not the time. He needed to ask Black a question, and this was where he could hear her voice the clearest.

“Black?” Shiro called, hating the way his voice echoed in a way that shouldn’t be possible in the emptiness.

Black immediately knew what he was going to ask.

_ I have been trying, my paladin. But I have never connected with the red one’s quintessence near as well as my sister. You must ask her. I apologize. _

Shiro sensed that Black left, and knew she didn’t need him to say anything. Shiro blinked, bringing him back to the hold, where everyone was staring at him expectantly, Keith’s mouth now just hanging open in a silent scream. His voice must have just been gone at this point, and Shiro couldn’t help but rub his throat sympathetically.

“Black can’t help him,” Shiro cut to the chase before anyone could ask, though he held up his hand to stop anyone from saying anything, turning to Lance. “Black can’t help him,” He repeated, staring at Lance, “But Red can.”

Lance took a moment to process that, then quickly nodded, saying, “on it.” before closing his eyes to connect with Red.

No one spoke as the minutes ticked by. Shiro wondered if he had taken this long. Lance’s face suddenly scrunched up, as if he were about to cry, before quickly setting into a determined expression. Shiro wondered what was happening, but was distracted before he could really think about it. 

Keith had suddenly slumped to his side, landing on Pidge who struggled to keep him up until Hunk reached over from the other side and gently laid Keith down. Keith was blinking slowly, and with each blink his eyes cleared of the gold coloring, and in no time they were back to normal, if not a little unfocused.

“Red?” Shiro saw Keith mouth more than hear him say, his voice was nearly completely gone from the screaming. Keith looked confused for a moment, and then relaxed, and he repeated “Red,” once more, though this time more confidently, and promptly fell asleep.

Everyone seemed to appreciate the moment of silence for a moment, and Coran took it to scan Keith once more, letting out a sigh of relief when he saw the results.

“His quintessence levels have balanced out once more. It seems the Red Lion was able to help him. He’s going to be okay.”

Everyone let out a breath of relief, and Shiro turned to Lance to thank him, only to pull up short when he saw that Lance was busy wiping away tears. “Lance? Are you okay?”

Shiro’s question turned everyone’s attention to Lance, who sniffled.

“I’m fine,” Lance said, it was obvious he was lying.

“Buddy?” when Lance turned to Hunk, Hunk continued, “We know that that isn’t true. What’s wrong?”

“You heard Coran, Keith’s going to be fine,” Pidge added, though she quieted when Hunk shot her a look that clearly said  _ let me handle this _ .

“What’s wrong, buddy?”

Lance suddenly broke down and sobbed. In a moment, Hunk was at his side, wrapping his best friend in a hug, which Lance desperately returned.

“I had to- My bond was blocking- Red couldn’t get to- I couldn’t let him  _ die _ ,” Lance blubbered, speaking in disjoined sentences. Hunk shushed him and held him tighter.

“Breath, Lance. Take a moment to breath. In with me, out with me, alright?” Hunk breathed in deeply, and Lance copied him as best he could. Hunk continued to breathe deeply until Lance calmed down slightly.

“Thanks Hunk,” Lance said, unraveling one of his arms from the hug, though he left the other clutching Hunk, and Hunk left one of his arms around Lance’s shoulder as Lance turned out to look at everyone.

“Anytime buddy. Are you good now?” Hunk asked.

“Yeah. I’m good,” Lance reassured, though he sniffed at the end of his sentence and busied himself with wiping away his tears.

“Do you wanna tell us what that was about?” 

When Hunk asked that, Lance looked like he might start to cry again, and Hunk was quick to reassure him. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Lance seemed to waver a moment, but then his expression settled on a sad resignation. “No, this concerns all of us. You need to know.” Lance took a deep breath before explaining.

“Red felt the moment that Keith’s quintessence went off the charts, it would be impossible for her not to, as her quintessence and Keith’s were so similar. However, apparently, Keith has been blocking her out ever since he had to fly Black so that it would be easier for me to bond with her. She could still sense him, but she couldn’t get to him or communicate or anything. Especially not when I formed a bond with her.

“She knew she could get to Keith if one of two things happened. Either Keith willingly stopped blocking her, which I don’t think we could get to happen, or-” Lance’s voice cut out for a moment, and Shiro could tell he was struggling to keep his composure.

“Or I sever our bond for good.”

The words left a heavy atmosphere in the hold.

“So that means…” Pidge didn’t finish her sentence, she didn’t have to, everyone knew what it meant.

However, Lance finished her sentence regardless.

“I’m no longer a Paladin of Voltron.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! I'll try and get another chapter up tomorrow, though no promises.   
> Thanks for reading!  
> And a special thanks for all of you guys who leave kudos/comments, you guys are literally the best!
> 
>  
> 
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! This chapter is a tiny bit shorter, but I hope you enjoy regardless.   
> Unproof-read, I think you've got that by now though.  
> Hope you enjoy!

There was a silence that followed Lance’s announcement. Tears once again welled up in Lance’s eyes, and Hunk wrapped him in another hug.

It was Pidge who made the first move. She wandered over Hunk and Lance and tightly wrapped her arms around Lance’s midsection, laying her head on Lance’s back.

“Just because you can’t fly Red anymore doesn’t mean you are no longer a part of Voltron. Keith’s still a just as big a part of Voltron as any of us, even though he’s been away,” Pidge reassured Lance.

“Yeah buddy. Just because you don’t fly a lion now doesn’t mean that you aren’t part of our team,” Hunk paused a moment, “Our family.”

Shiro strode over to where the younger paladins were standing and wrapped his arms around them, careful of his Galran arm. “Hunk and Pidge are right. You will always be a part of Voltron. Of our team,” Shiro voice softened when he repeated Hunk, “Of our family.”

Lance only cried harder.

“The others are correct, Number Three, you will always have a place here in Voltron,” Coran reassured, though he didn’t come over and join in the hug, choosing instead to monitor Keith and make sure that everything was alright. He seemed satisfied with whatever he read, because he nodded to himself happily before closing the healing pod with a hiss. When he looked up, he caught Shiro’s questioning gaze.

“Keith will be just fine. His vocal cords are a bit irritated from the screaming, but the pod should have that fixed up within the next 10 dobashes,” Coran reassured. Shiro relaxed at hearing Keith was okay, and saw and felt others doing the same.

Allura had a slight frown on her face, looking like she was thinking something. Shiro was about to ask, but then her eyes slid closed. For a brief moment Shiro was concerned about her passing out, but when she remained upright, that fear was swayed.

_ She’s talking to Blue _ Shiro realized, recognizing that that was how Lance had stood only a minute ago, and how he must have stood shortly before that. 

Shiro continued to carefully watch her expression over the heads of the other paladins, Pidge and Hunk trying to comfort Lance further, who was still crying. Shiro subconsciously wrapped his arms tighter around the group.

Several emotions flashed over Allura’s face. A question. Confusion. Disappointment. Anguish. Rejection. Sadness. And then, finally, the same emotion that had flashed across Lance’s face right before he opened his eyes- determination. Unlike Lance, however, this expression remained as the fiery blue and pink eyes opened.

“You are still a paladin of Voltron,” Allura stated, causing everyone to glance over to her. Even Coran, finishing looking over Keith, looked up. Shiro loosened his arms when he felt Lance wiggling as though trying to escape from the hug. He let go, though he stayed close, as did Pidge and Hunk, who both had an arm around Lance’s waist and shoulders respectively. 

“You are still a paladin of Voltron,” Allura repeated when she saw the confused look she was getting.

“What do you mean?” Lance’s voice was clogged with tears, and Shiro wanted to give the Cuban another hug at the sound of it. 

“You are more than just a part of Voltron still. You are still a paladin,” Allura said calmly, making her meaning no clearer than it had been the first time.

“But to be a paladin, you’ve got to be able to fly a lion,” Lance’s voice sounded so hopeless, so different than the happy boy he normally was, and it made Shiro’s heart ache.

“You can,” Allura said, and then her expression softened, and for a brief moment, she looked as if she would cry. However, she swallowed, and then it was gone. “You are Blue’s paladin.”

It took a moment for the words to set in. Shiro had moved so that he could see Lance’s face earlier, and he saw many expressions chase each other across it. Disbelief, hopefulness, then guilt.

“No, no, no. I can’t do that. I can’t take Blue away from you! You are her paladin now, and you’ve progressed so far with her, I can’t take that away from you. I’ll be okay. You deserve to fly the Blue Lion. Don’t give her up just for me. I’m not-” Lance cut himself off, but Shiro could hear the rest of that sentence.  _ I’m not worth it. _ It made Shiro’s heart hurt again, but for now he wouldn’t step in. That was a conversation for later. Right now, this was between Allura and Lance.

Allura gave Lance a smile that was slightly wistful as she spoke. “It was a wonderful experience flying the Blue Lion and forming Voltron. I am very glad and honored that the Blue Lion allowed me to be her paladin for a time. But,” her eyes darted to Lance, slightly sad, but determined. “It was never meant to last. You are her true paladin, you have always been. Your quintessence and her’s are so similar, it is quite astounding.

“It was in desperate circumstances in which I was allowed to fly the Blue Lion.” Allura’s eyes darted over to Shiro, and he knew that she was referring to when he had died. Allura continued, “Blue only accepted me after Red told her that you would be the only one who she would allow to be her paladin after Black claimed Keith. She didn’t want to, but she knew that it was the only way she could protect the universe,” Allura paused, “The only way she could protect  _ you _ .

“Had Black accepted Shiro’s clone sooner,” Allura’s eyes darted over to land on Shiro as she spoke, “Or had Keith remained with us instead of going to train with the Blades, then the Lion’s would have already switched everyone back. It was only a matter of time before Blue asked for you back, she never stopped wishing you were her paladin still.” At these words, a flash of hurt crossed over Allura’s face, but she quickly hid it again.

Lance opened his mouth, most certainly to argue, but Allura wasn’t done yet.

“Blue missed you. She wants to have you back. Stop blocking her bond.”

Lance faltered. He looked uncertain. Shiro could tell that he wanted nothing more than to listen to Allura, for it to be true, but Shiro could also tell that he didn’t want to take Blue away from Allura.

Allura smiled at Lance. “I have already severed my bond with her. She is yours. It’s alright to let her in Lance.”

Lance looked uncertain for another moment, eyes flicking over Allura’s face, making sure that she was really okay with this, and then he visibly gave in.

He gasped and closed his eyes, a grin spreading across his face. Without opening his eyes, he spoke softly.

“Hey girl, it’s nice to have you back.”

Blue’s happy roar shook the hold of the Black Lion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! This chapter was just to finish sorting out the lions, I really prefer everyone's original lions. It's nothing against Allura- I love her as an amazing character, and she is a wonderful paladin of Blue- but I don't love her being Blue's paladin at the cost of Lance not being Blue's paladin. It's also nothing against Keith being the leader, while he wasn't the greatest leader at first, he got a lot better, and he was a great leader this last season, but he's still Keith- the team's resident hothead, who functions largely on instinct, just as the Red Lion does. I also love Shiro as the paladin of the Black Lion, he is a natural born leader, and he just suits Black, just as Lance suits Blue, and Keith suits Red.  
> Any who, thank you so much for reading, and a special thanks to all of you who leave kudos/comments, you guys are the best!  
> I'm not sure when I'll be able to get the next chapter up, but it will hopefully be soon.
> 
>  
> 
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I am so sorry about the delay in getting this chapter out, this week was incredibly chaotic for me, and it didn't really help that I didn't have very much inspiration for this chapter. I think that I should be wrapping this fic within the next few chapters (I know I said that a while ago, but that was before I had more inspiration).   
> This isn't my finest chapter, but it was almost a lot weirder, so just know that it was better than what I had originally planned. Hope you enjoy!

The next few days- quintents, whatever- were spent on the planet/asteroid thing. Not that they could exactly  _ leave _ , now that Keith was the Red Lion’s paladin once again. Keith spent most of his time sleeping as his body struggled to recover. It seemed that Red was helping with his quintessence levels, there hadn’t been any other spikes (thank goodness). Shiro had hated seeing his little brother like that.

Everyone took turns watching over Keith, setting themselves up in unofficial shifts that allowed at least one of them to be besides Keith at all times, partially to make sure that nothing happened and partially to make sure that someone was there when Keith woke up. Keith had woken up a few times for some of the others, but he had yet to awake when Shiro was by him, and Shiro couldn’t help but feel nervous of the prospect.

Sure, Keith hadn’t seemed to have held anything against him when he had woken up the first time, but that was when he was exhausted and probably not completely coherent. What if the next time Keith woke up, he was actually mad at Shiro, or worse,  _ scared _ of him? Shiro would understand, but he knew that it would hurt. 

He had voiced his concern to Krolia, worrying over how Keith would react to seeing his face the first thing when he woke up, and if it was really a good idea or not for him to watch Keith, but Krolia had shook her head.

“I doubt he will ‘freak out’ as you said. If anything, he will be happy to see you. The first time he woke, he asked immediately for you. He still trusts you.”

“But-” Krolia’s glare, looking so similar to Keith’s, silenced him.

“If your assumptions somehow are true, then we will at least know.”

Shiro couldn’t argue against that. So that was how he found himself sitting besides Keith, absentmindedly fiddling with an Altean tablet with Keith awoke.

“Shiro?” the tired voice startled him so bad he nearly threw the tablet across the hold when he jumped. Luckily though, he managed to keep ahold of it.

“Keith!”

Keith looks mildly amused, though Shiro only could tell after spending years around Keith that Keith found something funny whenever the corners of his lips turned like that.

“That is my name,” Keith comments dryly, eyes blinking tiredly.

“How are you feeling? Does anything hurt? Does-” Shiro was cut off by a snort from Keith.

“You sound like Hunk,” Keith muttered, eyes closing for a moment as he seemed to fight off sleep. “I’m fine,” Keith continued with his eyes closed. Shiro remembered Hunk saying that Keith had woken up while he was on watch, but Hunk had been too focused on asking Keith questions to make sure he was alright to notice him fall back asleep. 

“You can go back to sleep if you want,” Shiro told Keith softly when purple eyes opened again, seemingly with a struggle. 

Keith scowled at Shiro, but he was too tired for it to actually be intimidating. Keith let it drop after a moment, letting out a huff. 

“I’ve slept too much,” Keith complained.

Shiro felt himself give a small smile. Suddenly he remembered the time that Keith had gotten sick at the Garrison and Shiro forced him to rest. Keith had resisted, and constantly complained that he had already slept too much, he didn’t need another nap, he was ready to go, despite his high fever.

“No one can blame you for sleeping so much. What you went through was very traumatic on your body, and it needs to rest,” Shiro left out that it was probably even more traumatic for his mind. Shiro knew that Keith would have nightmares over what had happened, quiznak knows that Shiro was having nightmares.

Keith’s gaze softened. He reached out and grabbed Shiro’s hand. “What happened was not your fault. You weren’t in control. None of it was your fault. Okay?”

How did Keith know him this well? Shiro fought back a lump rising in his throat. “I know,” he lied. He swallowed before continuing, “Get some more sleep Keith.”

Keith was obviously fighting back sleep at this point, eyes slowly closing only for him to force them open again. When he spoke, his words were slightly slurred. “I mean it, Shiro. Not. Your. Fault.”

Shiro sucked in a sharp breath. Keith fell asleep again, but Shiro was no longer in the Black Lion’s hold.

_ Keith drew in a ragged breath, and somehow managed to speak, though it was so quietly that Shiro had to press his head over Keith’s mouth to hear the words. Keith spoke three of them, each taking more effort than the last. “Not. Your. Fault.” Shiro could see the honesty behind the pain in his brother’s eyes. After he had emitted his last piece, Keith choked in another breath that left unsteadily from his mouth.  _

_ He didn’t take another. _

“Shiro?” Suddenly Pidge was in front of his face, looking concerned. When Shiro’s eyes snapped to her face, she frowned. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Shiro lied, though Pidge didn’t seem to buy it. But she didn’t argue.

“Well, I’m here to watch over Keith, you can stay, or you can go,” Pidge explained her presence, settling crisscross utop one of the crates. 

Shiro just nodded, and then got up to leave. Some fresh air would do him some good, he decided.

As he left, he didn’t notice the crease that formed in Keith’s brow. How his breaths began to quicken in a way that caused Pidge to look over at Keith worriedly. 

He didn’t notice as the nightmares began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that was alright. I really don't know when I will be able to get the next chapter up, school is really starting to pick up and clubs are starting and my sports are still going (though they'll be over in just a few weeks). I will try and get it up as soon as possible.   
> Also, I decided that I am going to write a separate one shot about Krolia instead of trying to fit her story into this one, I'll probably get that up shortly after this work is finished. It may not fit perfectly with this piece, but I do want to do a character study on her and it should work fairly well with this piece, so be on the lookout for that if you are interested.  
> Anyways, thanks for reading, and a special thanks for everyone who had left comments/kudos, y'all are amazing!
> 
>  
> 
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up, school has been getting quite chaotic and I think that now I will only be able to upload on weekends, at least for now. Sorry about that. Anyways, this chapter was sort of hard to write at the beginning, but I really like how the rest of it turned out.  
> Unproof-read, as always  
> I hope you enjoy!

Keith was getting better. Physically at least. It had been about a week (movement? Shiro still wasn’t 100% sure he understood the Earth to space time conversions). He was able to stay awake for more than a few minutes at a time, and he had even managed to hobble around on his own a few days ago. Soon, he would be fully back on his feet and they would be off to Earth in no time. That was a crazy thought to Shiro. He hadn’t been back to Earth in over two years, unless you counted his crash-landing and less than a day there.  

As Keith progressed, they began to fully discuss getting back to Earth, and began to plot their course. It would take them over a year, with the Lion’s powers being depleted from the battle and without the Castle to recharge them. But still, they would be going  _ home. _

Pidge still couldn’t get in touch with any of their allies, which was strange and more than slightly concerning. Whenever she visited Shiro or he visited her as she worked, she would always say that there had been no progress with a troubled frown on her face. This made Shiro uncomfortable, Pidge was the best hacker and tech genius he knew of, it shouldn’t be this hard for her to pick up signals. Something twisted in his gut as the thought came to him that perhaps it wasn’t because Pidge’s signals weren’t getting out there, but rather that there was no one to retrieve them. What if something had happened to their allies, the Blades, the rebels, Matt? 

Shiro quickly squashed these thoughts, it wouldn’t do anyone any good if he dwelled on them. Instead, he gave Pidge a smile and reassured her that everything was fine, even though something in his guts screamed at him that something was wrong.

Mentally, Keith was not doing that great, though he tried to hide it, just as he always had. But with everyone hovering over him, it was difficult even for Keith to hide, especially whenever he woke up crying out from a nightmare. However, he always shut himself off, and no one could get through to him. He would insist he was fine whenever someone asked, even though everyone knew that that was a lie.

Not that Shiro could exactly blame him. For one, Keith had always done this, it was just in his nature to deflect and hold people at arm’s length, especially when it came down to his emotions. For another, had he been in Keith’s place, he’s not so sure he wouldn’t do the same.

Shiro planned on letting the matter go for the time being, he didn’t want to press Keith, especially since he was the one who did this to Keith in the first place. Shiro figured that it would be best to allow Keith to go to one of the others, perhaps his mother. Maybe it wasn’t the best plan, but Shiro couldn’t help but think that if he did talk to Keith about it, Keith would suddenly remember that this was all Shiro’s fault in the first place, and remember that he should hate Shiro for it. Or even worse, fear him.

Call Shiro selfish, but he really didn’t want to see his brother afraid anytime they saw each other.

So he left it be. Until he couldn’t anymore.

It was Shiro’s shift to watch over Keith again, who was sleeping calmly. Keith had insisted that they didn’t need to do that, that he would be fine on his own, but no one was very comfortable with that idea and they could all see the way that Keith tensed as he proposed the idea. He didn’t really want to be alone. So they kept the shifts and Keith let the matter drop.

Shiro was still worried that at anytime when Keith saw him, he would freak out or demand that Shiro leave, and he knew that the in the beginning his worry spread to the others, and it was originally rare that it was only him on a shift. But after Keith had woken up and seemed happy with Shiro by his side several times, they relaxed and let Shiro have his own shifts.

Shiro still wasn’t reassured, sure that  _ something _ would happen that something would go wrong, but he still came to watch over his Keith, if only to constantly reassure himself that he was alive. 

Shiro should have known that nothing like this would go to plan.

It started off as a normal shift, Lance telling him that he had slept the whole time before leaving. Shiro settled down on a nearby crate, taking a moment to look over Keith, who was looking considerably better, though he still had that terrible angry scar stretching across his face.  Absentmindedly, Shiro reached up and traced his own scar across his nose. 

Then Shiro pulled out an Altean tablet, scanning through Pidge’s recordings with what she had found out about the whole getting in contact with the Blade and Rebels, or lack thereof. Shiro had convinced her to send him a copy, not because he didn’t trust Pidge, but because he wanted to see for himself. A frown pulled at his face as he scanned through the information. There wasn’t anything. It was strange. It shouldn’t be this hard to get into contact with their allies, simple enough that any of them could do it, but for some reason, now it was as if they had completely switched all their frequencies, which didn’t make any sense. Why would they do that without telling Voltron?

They wouldn’t. It just wouldn’t make any sense. Unless….

Unless they hadn’t changed their frequencies. That the signals weren’t getting through because there was no one on the other side to pick them up. 

Once again, Shiro squashed this thought. The Blades, the Rebels, Matt… They were all fine. They had to be.

Shiro was pulled out of his musings by a small whimper. His head shot up and looked over to Keith, who still had his eyes closed in sleep, but unlike the peaceful slumber he had been in when Shiro first got here, his face was scrunched up in distress.  _ Nightmare _ Shiro realized a moment before Keith began speaking.

“No, no, no,” Keith muttered. Shiro reached over to gently shake Keith’s shoulder, to wake him up before the nightmare got too bad, but froze at Keith’s next words. “Shiro,  _ please. _ ”

Shiro’s hand hovered over Keith’s shoulder. The words sounded familiar, too familiar.

_ “ _ Shiro, please _.” The voice sounded like it was straining, and that it was pleading. Shiro had another flash, too fast to know what it was, but he remembered  _ hothead, impulsive, brave _. He knew instinctively that they belonged to the red paladin, just as the voice did. _

Keith was having a nightmare about the facility. How would he react to waking up only to see Shiro’s face looming over him? The face of the man who hurt him?

Shiro quickly retracted his arm, and made to leave himself, find someone else quickly to help Keith, but Keith cut that plan short. 

Keith shot up into a sitting position, screaming out a terrified, “ _ Shiro! _ ” as his eyes flew open. They darted around the room taking everything in before landing on Shiro. The terror in those purple eyes was absolute as Keith shrunk back. 

“St-stay b-back,” Keith stuttered, holding his hands up into a defensive position, though they were shaking too much to be very intimidating.

Shiro couldn’t do anything. He was frozen. This was his worst nightmare. He had to leave. He knew this would happen. It had only been a matter of time. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Shiro suddenly found himself babbling, and he found that he could move again, taking quick steps backwards and shrinking into himself.

Keith was trembling so hard that Shiro could see it from a distance. Shiro wanted nothing more than to wrap his brother in his arms and comfort him, tell him that it was all going to be okay, but he couldn’t.

_ This is all your fault _ a voice whispered in his head, creating echos of  _ your fault, all your fault _ bouncing around in his head.  _ I did this _ Shiro thought with horror.

Keith’s trembling slowed and stopped, but Shiro was too caught up in his head to notice.  _ All my fault, all my fault, my brother is scared of me and it is all my fault _ .

“Shiro?” It was Keith’s voiced that snapped him out of his thoughts. He didn’t sound scared anymore, and when Shiro’s eyes landed on his face, Keith looked apologetic. 

“Are you okay?” Keith asked when it took Shiro a moment to respond. Shiro blinked in surprise.

“Am I okay?” Shiro repeated incredulity. Here Keith was, coming out of a nightmare from something that Shiro had done, and he was asking whether  _ Shiro _ was okay. “I should be asking you that.”

Keith just shook his head, a concerned frown on his face. “Are you okay though?” he pressed. Shiro opened his mouth to respond that he was fine when Keith cut him off. “And answer honestly. Don’t give me any of that ‘I’m fine’ crap, I know you’re not.”

Shiro’s mouth closed, making Keith snort. As if Keith was one to talk though. “You’ve got to be honest too. All you’ve given any of us lately is also that quote unquote “‘I’m fine’ crap.” How are you?”

Keith rolled his eyes, but didn’t argue, which was progress. “Fine, I will, but you first.” His tone soften a little. “I know that you’ve been having nightmares too.”

“How did you-” Shiro cut himself off, before sighing. “The others. Right.”

“The others,” Keith confirmed. “Now answer the question.”

Shiro sighed again. “I’ve been having nightmares, but those aren’t really anything new in this war. It’s just that these ones- they-” Shiro couldn’t find the words.

“They are so much worse?” Keith supplied.

“Yeah.”

There was a moment of silence.

“I killed you,” Shiro muttered, not looking Keith in the eyes. “You were dead, and I was the one who killed you.”

“It wasn’t your fault, it was-” Shiro felt a surge of anger.

“It doesn’t matter!” Shiro yelled, “It doesn’t matter if I wasn’t in control! It doesn’t matter if I was being used! It was my body that gave you all those bruises, my arm that gave you that burn on your face, my sword that went right through your heart!” Shiro took deep breaths, feeling tears welling up in his eyes. “It doesn’t matter if I wasn’t in control. I still killed you. It was my sword that struck your final blow. I was the only one there when you died. Your murderer.”

The tears were flowing freely now, and Shiro wiped at them with the back of his human hand.

Suddenly there were arms around him, and a face buried in his shoulder. Shiro was surprised a moment, he hadn’t seen Keith get up, but then he wrapped his arms around his brother and buried his face in Keith’s hair. There was a damp spot growing on Shiro’s shoulder, but he didn’t care.

“You died in my arms and it was all my fault.” Shiro muttered again.

“It wasn’t your fault.” was the only thing that Keith said, but this time Shiro allowed himself to hope that maybe, just maybe, Keith was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Anyways, I think that there is only going to be 2-3 more chapters. I'm going to be sad when this ends, to be honest.  
> Can I just say that this is actually the longest thing I've ever written with this chapter. That is so crazy for me to think about.   
> Anyways, Thank you all for reading, and a special thanks to all of you who leave comments/kudos, you guys are literally the best.
> 
>  
> 
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone! This chapter was really fun to write, so I hope its fun to read too.   
> As always, unproof-read.  
> Hope you enjoy!

They stood like that for a while, each drawing in comfort from the other. They didn’t speak, but the silence was comfortable. After a little while, Keith started to wiggle, and Shiro immediately let go. Shiro knew that Keith wasn’t huge on the whole physical contact sort of thing. Keith gave him a smile as they stepped apart, face still wet with tears. Shiro was suddenly aware of his own wet cheeks, and wiped away the moisture, Keith doing the same.

“Your-” Shiro’s voice came out croaky, and so he took a moment to clear his throat, “Your turn.”

Keith’s smile faded, a frown replacing it. There was a moment of silence as Keith tried to think of how to start off.

“Nightmares suck,” was what he started off with. Shiro nodded in agreement, and patiently waited for Keith to continue.

“It’s just-- I don’t know. Just seeing-- seeing you, you weren’t in control. And I knew that. I  _ know  _ that. But-” Keith cut himself off as he struggled for words. Shiro gave him all the time he needed.

“You were the first person after my dad that I wasn’t afraid of.” 

Ouch. Shiro had the urge to hug Keith again, but restrained himself. His heart hurt for Keith, though some part of him felt pride at Keith’s admission, but mostly it just hurt. Because nobody should be hurt in the way that Keith had been. Especially Keith.

“You-you never gave me any reason to be afraid of you. But, now, I know it wasn’t you, but-” Keith didn’t finish, but Shiro knew what he meant.

“But it was my face and my body that did,” Shiro paused a moment and gestured to Keith, “this.”

Keith nodded, ducking his head and not meeting Shiro’s eyes, as if he were ashamed.

“I keep on seeing you. You were so angry. Just like  _ they _ always were.”

Shiro didn’t have to ask who  _ they  _ were. It was the only way that Keith usually talked about his foster families.

“I kept on thinking that you were angry at me for leaving. For going with the Blades. It was the only reason I could think of- I know that it’s nonsense, but I can’t, I can’t help it,” Keith ducked his head more, hiding his face further.

“Keith,” Shiro said softly, waiting until violet eyes peeked up at him in a way that made Keith look so much younger before he continued. “I could never get angry with you. Frustrated, maybe sometimes when you insist on putting yourself in danger, but never angry. Okay?”

Keith ducked his head again, scuffing his foot against the ground. “I know. It’s just stupid, I know that-”

“Hey,” Shiro interrupted, reaching out to place his hand on Keith’s shoulder. For a moment Shiro was worried that Keith would flinch back, but he didn’t react other than glancing up at Shiro again, much to Shiro’s relief. “It’s not stupid. You-you haven’t had the best history with people,” that was an understatement, “It’s normal that you would be afraid about something like that. I’m not saying that I would ever do something like that on purpose, but your fears are perfectly valid.”

Keith sighed, and there was a moment of comfortable silence as Shiro waited for Keith to respond. Then Keith started to do something that surprised Shiro. He started laughing.

For a moment, Shiro could only stare dumbly at Keith, his hand falling from the younger’s shoulder as giggles shook Keith’s body.

_ He’s lost it _ Shiro thought  _ The quintessence has gone to his head, it just had a delayed reaction.  _

“Keith?” Shiro asked cautiously. Keith seemed to only laugh harder.

“Sorry-” Keith gasped out. “It’s just- you sound- we’ve turned into one of your stupid chick-flicks. ‘You are perfectly valid the way you are,’” Keith mocked the last part in a high-pitched voice, and then promptly started laughing even harder.

It took a moment for what Keith said to set in. When it did, Shiro let out an offended, “Hey! They were not stupid! They taught valuable life lessons and had great plots!” Shiro tried to sound defensive, but a grin was spreading across his face and he could feel his own laugh bubbling up in his chest.

Keith only laughed harder. “Are they perfectly  _ valid  _ too?” He barely managed to gasp out.

“Yes,” Shiro said firmly. The sternness of the answer caught Keith off-guard enough that he stopped laughing to look at Shiro.

Then their eyes met, and they both broke down into laughter. It was more than slightly hysterical, but it was the first time Shiro remembers laughing in a long time. It felt good, even if it was hard to breath and his lungs were protesting.

While they were still laughing, Hunk walked in, the cautious look on his face made Shiro laugh harder.

“What’s so funny?” Hunk asked, glaze flickering between the two for a moment, as they just laugh harder and harder. After a moment, Hunk shook his head. “Nevermind, I don’t want to know. I just came here to drop you guys off some food,” Hunk said, gesturing to the basket in his hand, which he set down on a crate.

“Anyways, carry on,” Hunk said, still looking extremely confused, but right before he turned to go, Shiro saw a small smile stretch across Hunk’s face. Hunk’s parting words were so quiet that Shiro nearly missed them, but they were there. “It’s nice to see you guys laughing again.”

Hunk’s words nearly got Shiro to sober up, but then he caught Keith’s gaze and he was lost to the laughter again.

Shiro didn’t know how long they laughed for, only that by the time they stopped, they were both exhausted and their stomachs ached in a good way. They both had sat down next to each other shoulder to shoulder with their back resting on a crate as they enjoyed Hunk’s food in companionable silence.

After the food was done, they remained there, suddenly feeling too tired to move. Before Shiro knew it, Keith’s head dropped to land on his shoulder, heavy breaths coming out of his mouth alerting Shiro that he was asleep. 

As gently as he could, Shiro shifted Keith’s head into his lap, where he began rubbing his hand through the younger’s hair. Keith pushed into it, similar to a cat, much to Shiro’s amusement. His fingers rubbed over a spot near Keith’s temple-- the spot Krolia had rubbed, Shiro remembered-- and the sound he let out was very similar to a purr. Shiro suddenly remembered the conversation they had had with Krolia, and how she had mentioned that Galrans did purr, and couldn’t help the smile that crossed over his face.

“So you do purr,” Shiro muttered softly to himself, still rubbing the spot. Soon he felt his eyes getting heavy, and then he was asleep too.

That was how Pidge found them, immediately snapping a picture with her tablet. She hesitated a moment, sleeping like that couldn’t be good for Shiro’s neck, but they both looked so peaceful and were actually  _ sleeping _ so she decided to leave them, quietly getting to work on her tablet. After sending a message to the others to be quiet if they needed to come into the Black Lion for any reason and sending Keith and Shiro a soft smile of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like that chapter, and maybe smiled a little bit. I personally had a stupid smile on my face as I wrote this, there were so many times where I had to focus on getting rid of it when someone came by to avoided questions.  
> Any who, I think there's only one chapter left in this, which I should ideally have up tomorrow, but no promises, thank you for reading thus far!  
> And a special thanks to all of you who have taken the time to leave a comment/kudos, you guys literally make my day!
> 
>  
> 
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


	18. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone! This is the last chapter, the epilogue, and its really weird for me to think that it's over now. Thank you guys so much for reading! This chapter is pretty short, but I feel like most epilogues are. I tried to end it nicely, but I guess you guys will be the real judges of that.  
> As always, un-proof read.  
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> (There is a longer author's note at the end of this chapter)

Things slowly got better. That was okay though, they had time. Which was a weird concept. For over a year now it had been go go go, fight this, fight that, take down Zarkon, take down Lotor.

Not that the fighting was over now that Zarkon and Lotor were gone, far from it, there were still several powerful Galrans out there all vying for power, but without the sheer numbers and resources the empire had had, they were considerably easier to defeat.

As they traveled home, they had many adventures, and misadventures, but they came out in one piece. They found out that they had been gone for years, which was an unpleasant shock, but it was reliving to know the reason for their inability to contact their allies.

At least they were able to find Kolivan, and while it was a brief reunion and it was saddening to see him and Krolia go, it was nice to have the reassurance that they could tell their allies that Voltron was, in fact, okay, after all this time.

Shiro could tell that seeing his mother leave was hard for Keith, but when Shiro had asked to make sure that he was okay while they were resting on a planet, Keith gave him a small smile.

“She’ll come back,” Keith had said, unworried, “Families always come back somehow.” When he said this, he glanced at Shiro, and Shiro suddenly remembered the words Keith had said after he woke up the first time.

_“You came back._

_“I knew you would. You always come back.”_

Shiro felt a lump in his throat, but luckily he didn’t have to say anything as Lance chose that moment to run up to them.

“Dude, you’ve got to come see this. Pidge found these weird animal-things that look almost exactly like hippos, except for the fact that they are neon green and orange. Coran called something weird, like he-ma or something, but anyways, apparently they are peaceful and you can _ride_ them like horses and they don’t even mind. Bet I can totally beat you in a race on them!”

“Your on,” Keith said immediately, before turning to Shiro, “You coming?”

Shiro smiled a moment, suddenly remembering how Keith’s favorite animal used to be a hippo, before gesturing towards the camp. “I think I should probably finish setting up, but you two go have your fun.”

“Cool,” Lance said, before turning to Keith, “Bet I can beat you to them,” was all he said before taking off, leaving Keith blinking for a moment.

“Hey!” Keith cried out when what just happened set in and he took off after Lance. “I don’t even know where they are!”

Shiro snorted, and then proceed to go help Allura set up camp. Apparently she had had an incident with he-ma’s in her youth and had no interest in going to see them.

“Nasty, smelly, impolite things,” She was all she had to say about them.

Things were getting better. Even if it was a slow process, that was okay. They had time. Shiro knew that the scars would never heal completely, but they would fade with time, and that was all he could really ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Thank you guys so much for reading, you have no idea how much it means to me.  
> When I first uploaded this, I expected it to get maybe 100 hits. At most. Maybe like 15 kudos. And maybe 1 comment. Instead, it's gotten over 2000 hits now, over 100 kudos, and well over 1 comment. So thank you all for your support and reading this, you guys are literally the best. Thank you so so so much!  
> I know that this fic probably didn't have the best plot or writing or accurate characterization or the least spelling and grammar mistakes out there, but you guys still read it, and some of you seemed to have genuinely enjoyed it, and I just wanted to thank all of you for giving it a chance.  
> A special thanks for all of you who have left comments, for many parts of the story you guys' ideas were my entire inspiration for chapters, when I first wrote this I originally planned for it only to be a one-shot, then I got the idea of bringing Keith back, but I really hadn't thought of anything other than that, but you guys gave me the inspiration I needed to get ideas for what I wanted to write and what ideas to explore. Perhaps this caused some of the chapters to be a little weird and choppy, but thank you guys so much. You all are awesome!  
> Anyways, thanks again for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos, you guys are wonderful!
> 
>  
> 
> -MasterOfMyDestiny


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